President Obama is a Reptilian

If you've ever seen the cult film, Enemy Mine, where Dennis Quaid is stranded on a planet with a rival alien, and were deceived into believing aliens are basically good, you are wrong, but not alone. Case in point, Betty and Barney Hill, a famous abductee couple, were poked and prodded, and for what? Barney died of a cerebral hemorrhage about 8 years later. Betty lived much longer, but eventually succumbed to cancer. If aliens are friendly, why didn't they cure any ailments, or at least return to check on them? If you've been abducted or suspect that you have been, you now have a chance to fight back, by helping this group to monitor these beings, who come here illegally, by the way. 

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"Your president's skin is warm and cozy." -Fake Obama

2014 October Horror Movie Challenge Week 5

Click here for week four.

I am current on The Walking Dead and American Horror Story, as well as squeezing in two episodes of Constantine, which could be fun, but I doubt it will go beyond one season on a major network. I also completed both this challenge and the Shortober Challenge, which was 31 horror shorts, 16 first time views, all under the 50 minute mark. The one I liked the best and an honorable mention are covered below. Spoilers in the Thoughts section.

Shivers (1975)

Plot: Scientists work on a parasite that’s supposed to be beneficial to man, but instead turns everything into Night of the Creeps.

Thoughts: Night of the Creeps did it with aliens and really cool looking slugs. Speaking of which, I never saw the remake/rip-off of that one. The story follows around a bunch of rich people and the chaos they caused by proxy. Their safe haven among the other residents of the building is now in jeopardy due to the critters that want to nest in your intestines. The overall message is that no one is safe, even if you are rich, when man tampers with the natural order of things. A lot of 70’s films have a certain level of competence about them, usually the acting and directing, because money wasn’t as disposable back then, so you needed to make everything count. Luckily, this film was helmed by a young David Cronenberg, who more or less mastered body horror in his sleep, but this was his first feature and he does well.

Verdict: This is a pretty easy watch and a nice period piece, with no shortage of nudity and super hot 70’s women. You also get to see why Cronenberg became a household name, at least amongst the weird people who adore his work.

Detention (2011)

Plot: A killer is on the loose and imitating a slasher film, so it’s up to a fallen-from-grace student to investigate, put a stop to it, and prevent a horrible incident from happening, by going back in time.

Thoughts: Yeah, I didn’t make that up. Few people liked this horror comedy, and honestly, I can see why. The writing seems aimed at the younger generation, but it promises enough gore to please veterans. This combination doesn’t work for most, so instead of getting Tucker and Dale, you wind up with Not Another Teen Movie, only with more blood. Not to say I didn’t care for it, and to be honest, as ridiculous as it got, I still found it somewhat enjoyable, but it’s not really clear what it wants to be, especially once we start going back in time. The writing was all over the place, but the stock characters were fun, even though we were given plenty of flashbacks to flesh them out individually. Yeah, a lot of conveniences were thrown in for good measure, but the impossible was possible here, so why not?

Verdict: Certainly and ADHD film and not one you want to think too much on, but if you partake in recreational drugs, you’d probably enjoy it a lot.

Wolfcop (2014)

Plot: A weird cult abducts a cop and performs a lycanthropy ritual on him, only he’s better suited for the beast than they had planned.

Thoughts: When a movie is ridiculous, you need to have the proper characters harness it. This did just that. The was actually a straightforward detective narrative, mixed in with some good werewolf and shape shifting fun. WolfCop was just average Joe, until one day, and the people around him played along, helping him all the way. But then he’s crossed, set-up, and betrayed, so it’s only a matter of time before the perps get slayed. See, this film makes you want to break into old-school hip hop lyrics for no reason. But this film has everything you could possibly want out of a horror comedy. The effects are not spectacular, but they’re not cheap, and they’re traditional. The acting is on par with the delivery. The story itself is well-written, as retro as the rest of it, and somewhat makes sense. The puns are perfectly bad. The anti-hero here is a perfect, down on his luck, alcohol-swilling badass when he needs to be, and a horrendous beast when he has to.

Verdict: Please give us more WolfCop.

The Burning (1981)

Plot: After being horrendously burned, a man returns to take vengeance on the same camp he was once a part of.

Thoughts: I saw this as a kid, but barely remembered it. At the time, it was very fashionable to have low budget slasher films set at summer camps. I never went to summer camp, but certainly went camping and enjoyed it. I felt relieved that I did the latter with my parents, instead of being the next victim amongst a bunch of mean kids. It’s very obvious that so many filmmakers in the late 70’s and early 80’s were targets of bullying and abuse, so what better way to crank out a killer to make the others pay. Had we been a society of victims back then, imagine the lawsuits when someone saw a very similar character to themselves being slaughtered on screen. But that certainly beast the current wave of high school shooters. While this one isn’t that original, it somehow stands out because the characters are so good. For starters, you have Jason Alexander as one of the cooler kids, before he would eventually move on to be laughed at on Seinfeld. Leah Ayres is a strong, female character that makes you wonder why her career didn’t go much beyond Bloodsport. And besides Holly Hunter, you have a slew of familiar faces you’ll recognize as they pop up. Let’s not forget that this is based on the Cropsy urban legend, which I’m sure had an impact on the New Yorkers who would go on to see it and spread the good word.

Verdict: This is a slasher just as good as all the other ones coming out at the time, but it somehow gets forgotten. If you’re a fan of early Friday the 13th, this is actually better, despite lacking the iconic villain. It’s a must see film if you’re going to pretend you’re somebody in the world of horror fans. 

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

Plot: While documenting a patient with Alzheimer’s, a film crew uncovers something much more sinister behind the veil: an old switchboard that communicates with evil.

Thoughts: Okay, I slightly exaggerated there. Let me get the negative out of the way first. This film borrows heavily from standard possession films, primarily Exorcist III with the old and infirm angle, and honestly doesn’t bring much to the table. That being said, it’s actually scary. It’s hard to make horror fans jump, because they’re nearly immune to it (yet complain about jump-scares, which are more effective than other methods,) but this one had me a bit anxious at times and worried for everyone involved. A woman gets a disease and luckily a film crew want to document it and pay them to do so. Gavin, Luis, and Mia play a good documentary team. They’re not really stock characters, show genuine concern for their subjects, and most importantly are not afraid to tuck tail and run when everything gets creepy. Deborah plays the old, independent and important woman, now suffering and being cared for by her daughter, Sarah, and they genuinely seem like family. But most importantly is the 5 strong females that overshadow the males, but without making them incompetent or pointless. The film chronicles the female struggle in the absence of men. Deborah’s husband died. They elude to Sarah being a lesbian and sticking out the strong struggle with her mom. Mia is the leader of the documentary crew and reinforces their courage, making them stick around. The doctor is unwavering with her medical opinion. The sheriff, not afraid to try and cool the situation with words instead of bullets. This goes against the weaker males. Gavin realizes this is out of his league and bails on us. The old neighborly friend sees no other way to protect a family secret than to suffocate the old woman at her command, but cannot stop her. The security guards cannot stop her, either. The anthropologist doesn’t offer his services beyond telling them what they need to do. Also, take note of a male murderer, who forces a woman to do his final deed, after she cheated him out of it initially. Although the females are written in a more heroic light than the males, it doesn’t mean the decisions they make are the correct ones. Gavin was right to leave. The Sheriff was wrong to try and reason with the possessed Deb. There are real consequences here. The abduction was intense and the abandoned cave scene claustrophobic. The ending wasn’t weak, so much as cliché, but overall it was a pleasant surprise and decent way to end the challenge.

Verdict: This is solid horror and something you don’t want to miss on Netflix.  

Luna (2013) (Short)

Plot: A girl sees her family murdered and must survive long enough to get away.

Thoughts: This short plays out the typical murder my family scenario, but ends with, wait for it, the sheriff intervening, killing the murderer, only to discover he was using silver bullets… see where I’m going?

Verdict: This was my favorite short from this year. I like my shorts short. It unfolds and leaves you with the oh, shits.

Herbert White (2010) (Short)

Plot: A man… likes to visit… a specific place in the woods… for specific reasons…

Thoughts: It’s difficult to give you a plot without spoiling it. Vice said it best when they wrote the headline, “Watch Michael Shannon fuck a corpse.” I watched this as soon as I heard about it. It’s weird, creepy, unsettling, and probably very realistic.

Verdict: I wanted to mention this one because it’s so well done, stars Kentucky Mafia member, Michael Shannon, and it was released years ago, yet I had never heard of it.