Monday, September 8, 2014

Things That Piss Me Off About Public Restrooms

You walk in and it looks like someone sprayed water all over the place, on the mirrors, the ledges around the sink, and the floor. You assume maybe there was no way to dry, but there are paper towels, and sometimes blowers. Blowers piss me off, but I use them if I have to, rather than fanning my hands out all over the place like I’m a two-year-old in a kiddie pool. Water aside, how hard is it to mop a floor once in a while, or wipe down walls? Apparently it’s very difficult, or expensive.
Number one is usually not a lot to complain about. I mean, it’s a urinal, almost like pissing in the corner, or on a wall, so the most damage someone can do is piss on themselves, or the person next to them. Still, there are times when people leave garbage on top of the urinal, or throw their cigarette butts in the damn thing so everyone after can piss on them and one unlucky bastard has to pull them out, by hand.  
Number two is often a nightmare. I've been in a bathroom where someone shit on the goddamn seat and the toilet was backed up with too much toilet paper. If they barely wiped their ass, why did they need that much? And then there are people who piss all over the seat. It lifts, but I guess they didn't know that. There’s no way they don’t lift it because of germs if they’re gross enough to piss on the seat and not at least wipe it up like any halfway decent person that knows what common courtesy is. But I guess it’s best to have piss and shit on the seat, rather than a piss or shit smiley-face on the wall of the stall. (Yeah, that happened where I work.) Stalls are tiny in a lot of places, so you’re nearly shoulder to shoulder with the walls. Turning around and maneuvering in there can be like playing Operation; get too close and the buzzer in your head goes off that some dirty bastard just gave you AIDS. No, I didn't actually go into Smiley’s stall.
Then there are the people, presumably not guilty of the first few paragraphs, who use ten times as many paper towels and soap than they could possibly need. It’s bad enough they leave the water running while examining their teeth, face, beard, shirt, etc., but then they use enough soap to bathe their body with, and one paper towel for each finger. They make sure to double and triple up because it’s apparently not cool to have any soak-through. To add insult to injury, they then barely wipe their hands or face down with them, before discarding.
The last paragraph probably presents a solution to the aforementioned one, but then it could certainly cost too much in supplies to have them clean every little mess up. I get it’s a bathroom and it’s the dirtiest place everywhere you go since you piss and shit there. But most of this is the behavior of people who have no respect for others, including themselves, and yes, using all the damn paper towels so I have to dry my hands on my shirt is disrespectful. Thought Smiley was a disgusting story? I once went to drop a deuce and someone had urinated all over the seat, so I went to the next stall. While doing my business, someone came in and sat on the piss seat, without wiping it up. I've heard more disgusting stories about the women’s restroom.

Imagine what these people’s houses look like. 

Not a valid excuse.

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