My New Year's Resolution

My New Year's resolution is to not have a New Year's resolution. Most people don't even keep the promise they made to themselves. Why are you doing that to yourself? Instead, you should make one that you can do immediately, like going to Bangladesh for vacation. I have no clue what's there, or anything about the people, but it's something you can jump on a plane, train, or automobile right now and do. I already know I'm going to be bombarded by people claiming they're going to the gym, or quit smoking, etc. only to have these posts clear up midway through the year (at best). But then the same New Year's resolution pops up again next year. This cycle doesn't have to be vicious. Tell all your friends you're going on vacation for yours and meet me on the Ganges river. End of discussion. 

Bangladesh has World War Z going on right now, 

so never mind. Meet me in Florida. 

You Probably Don't Watch Duck Dynasty

     I don’t watch Duck Dynasty. I couldn’t pick Phil Robertson out of a lineup. I don’t really care what he said, because I’m indifferent to his opinion. In other words, I could care less what his opinions are, because I’ve formed my own. For most of us in the United States, our parents grew up in a portion of Americana that their parents and grandparents carved out for them. They made the decision to believe one way or the other. I don’t fault them for it. Your views would be completely different if you were raised elsewhere and by different people. Inequality sucks. But it still exist, although not as great as it once was. I laugh when people today get bent out of shape because they believe they’re entitled to something. Freedom is fought for. Leaving comments on Reddit doesn’t constitute campaigning against something. Stop pretending you’re a part of a cause just because your comment karma increased. One man made comments that aren’t popular. He never waved them in anyone’s face. The media once again has played you. You’re not racist. You’re not sexist. You’re not homophobic. You’re not the majority of the labels people want you to give. Unless I’m asking you a forced yes or no question, there are more than two answers. My answer to if I think Phil Robertson should be kept off of television is I don’t care. I have the power to turn Duck Dynasty on or off, and so do you. The end.

"His personal views in no way reflect those of A&E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community," as well as championing ridiculous stereotypes of white southerners.

Celebrities Are People, Too

In just one week, the world lost Paul Walker, famous for his Fast & the Furious films, and then Nelson Mandela, famous for battling apartheid in South Africa. The other fifty or so notable people to die in that week obviously weren’t in the spotlight enough for others to care. I get that it’s only nice to be sympathetic about someone’s passing, but when it comes to celebrities, people become even more full of shit than normal.

I’m not saying that no one should care about famous people dying; It was amazing how much positive press Paul Walker got, but more amazing how it was immediately followed by the wannabe sociopaths who joked about it and mocked him, despite probably being a part of his film franchise’s success by regularly going to the box office in support. I personally didn’t give a damn about the film franchise, but I’m not a complete asshole and didn’t advertise that his name was never a selling point for a film I would watch. He died and it sucked for him, his daughter, the rest of his family, his friends, and his fans. I remained silent while most understandably grieved. And then others decided it was time to be a turncoat and start one-upmanship with who can be the most sadistic. No one is impressed with your poorly timed and poorly attempted dark humor.

I’ve never seen anyone mention Nelson Mandela on Facebook or Twitter, but upon his death, everyone was quoting him, talking about how much he was a deep influence on their lives, and jumping on the bandwagon about how great he was. Had any of that been true, you’d have joined his fight against AIDS/HIV, climate change, poverty, etc. but I’m sure most never knew any of the organizations he worked with. No, I’m not criticizing anyone for not knowing much about him. Politics are not fun; politics can be scary. Hell, our country labeled him as a terrorist and honestly, it takes a lot of research to realize you really can’t trust certain aspects of your own government. But if you really thing lying about someone’s legacy as it pertains to you is a show of respect, you’re wrong. I’m sure Mandela would rather have you be honest, admit your first exposure was confusing him for Morgan Freeman, and then read his Wiki page to see what he’s about.

RIP Paul Walker, Nelson Mandela, and everyone else who has gone before us.  

"Titty sprinkles."

Boycott Soul Temple Music: The Final Update

This is a response to this post: http://insanislupus.blogspot.com/2013/09/boycott-soul-temple-music-update.html

Although I thought the struggle was over back in September, apparently that was not the case. However, it is now finally being resolved. I've been contacted by several people who are finally getting their refunds, primarily out of the RZA's pocket, so I commend him for that and ask that everyone cease their ban on his music. That doesn't include lifting the ban on his poorly run label, Soul Temple Music. Given time, this may change, but it was based in New York City, where 9,000,000 music artists have been running their own merchandise like professionals since music was invented, and for that, there is no excuse. If this has taught us anything, it's that we should buy from our local shops, money exchanged for items in hand. I hope the RZA learned his lesson and I will no longer have to blog about him. 

Or until someone gets ripped off.

Henry "Box" Brown

This guy was the Houdini of slaves, and while I admire and respect his struggle, the fact that he left his family in slavery still makes him a piece of shit. 

Henry "Box" Brown Wiki

Starring Richard Pryor as "The Toy."

The October Horror Movie Challenge 2013 (Week 4, 5, and Final Thoughts)

I'm not going to lie and act like I was overwhelmed and couldn't keep up with updating this list every week, but now that it's November, I have no desire to play catch up. Rather than just not create a new blog entry and move on to something more interesting, I decided to post my final results of where each film stands, complete with no links or descriptions. It's what being anti-social is all about. 

62 movies, 31 days. By category, in order of viewing. 

My favorites:
Thale (2012), The Seasoning House (2012), Jug Face (2013), The Road (2011), The Burrowers (2008), Resolution (2012), We Are What We Are (2013), Kill List (2011), The Battery (2012), Sightseers (2012), I Sell the Dead (2008), Byzantium (2012).

I really enjoyed:
Uzumaki (2000), Rare Exports (2010), Wake Wood (2010), Curse of Chucky (2013), Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010), The Woman in Black (2012), The Woman (2011), American Mary (2012), Maniac (2012), Seventh Moon (2008), The Blood Spattered Bride (1972), Ritual/Modus Anomali (2012), Under the Bed (2012), World War Z (2013), Bereavement (2010), V/H/S/2 (2013), Ritual (2002), Mama (2013), Drag Me to Hell (2009).

These were okay:
The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012), The Reeds (2010), One Dark Night (1982), Cherry Falls (2000), Sam's Lake (2006), Cravings/Daddy's Girl (2006), The Ward (2010), Occupant (2011), Shadow People (2013), Malevolence (2003), The Fourth Kind (2009), Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck (2007), Barrio Tales (2012), Blood Creek (2009).

These were forgettable:
The Shrine (2010), Cassadaga (2011), Grimm Love (2006), Hidden 3D (2011), Devil (2010), Beneath the Darkness (2011), Romasanta: The Werewolf Hunt (2004), Spiderhole (2010), The Black Waters of Echo's Pond (2009), I Dismember Mama (1972), Gallowwalkers (2012), Shakma (1990), Remains (2011), Rites of Spring (2011), House Hunting (2013), Lost Signal (2007), Satan Hates You (2010).

The October Horror Movie Challenge 2013 (Week 3)

Week 2

I’m falling behind updating this damn blog, but here is week three’s progress. In case you can’t count, I completed the challenge already. Rock + Roll.

October 15th
24. Resolution (2012)
 I think we’ve all had that friend who has gone down the wrong path, and we want to help them, but being anti-social we do nothing and let fate decide what course their life takes. This buddy film explores a great friendship gone sour, while exploring a local mystery that for whatever reason is leaving them snippets of recorded media, from the past, present, and future. It’s rather unnerving, which makes it one of the better films this challenge.
25. The Ward (2010)
 Putting John Carpenter’s name on something only works if you’re not already a horror buff. If you are, you know he’s capable of some of the best horror out there. What’s sad is he seems content to crank out mediocre films instead. The ward is a complete rip-off of Girl Interrupted, splash in a certain Jake Busey film I won’t mention by name as to avoid spoilers (and yes, mystery film has much bigger stars, but it’s a giveaway,) and you’re stuck with a decent film, something you don’t mind catching when you’re bored, but won’t knock your socks off. It’s predictable for the most part, and would probably better serve non-horror fans.
October 16th
26. Maniac (2012)
 Elijah Wood finally escaped Frodo, and it took this remake to do it. There’s something especially creepy here, and it’s aided by a perfectly suitable soundtrack. Of course, that’s probably the only difference from the original. This film has divided audiences, especially fans of the original, but that’s ironic, since there was a planned sequel that was going to be a remake of another film. Oh, well.
October 17th
27. Devil (2010)
 I’ll wade through crap to get an Unbreakable sequel, even if it’s not really a sequel but instead a reworked script. This film didn’t make much sense. Not that it was hard to follow, but that none of it is plausible, at all. The Devil is on an elevator where people are trapped, only we don’t know which one is the devil. Enter a detective who has lost his faith and who must now narrow down the guilty, even though the Devil is narrowing them down, too. It was just ridiculous, and I felt like the nod to Agatha Christie was interrupted by Frank Miller, who apologized and returned the nod back to M. Night. Yeah, this film will hurt your head, too.
28. Occupant (2011)
 Another film that starts out fresh, deals with a lot of symbolism, and gets lost along the way, trying to salvage whatever was left. What would you do for a $10,000 rent controlled apartment for only $600? Probably the same, living here for 12 days until your legal paperwork comes through, only I doubt you would crack from the isolation in such a short period of time. That’s probably symbolic for something, but by the time that final one comes around, you’ve been done for a while.
October 18th
29. Beneath the Darkness (2011)
 It must be said that this is a solid Quaid performance in a not-so-solid film. If Kevin Williamson had a brother that he felt sorry for and pulled strings for him to get movies out, this would be it. It works, sometimes, but not always. You’ll see familiar territory travelled here with the teens know about a killer (Quaid), and honestly, the best part is seeing him play the other role for once. Other than that, not much new.
30. Romasanto: The Werewolf Hunt (2004)
 In order to complete the Insanislupus challenge this year, you had to watch a werewolf film on the full moon. Sorry it wasn’t announced, but neither is some lycanthropy, until it’s too late. Julian Sands has a tendency to star in films that look like off-Broadway plays, but luckily they are still horror. This period piece wasn’t bad, it just lacked overwhelming horror like what you would expect when dealing with a werewolf. If I had seen this on PBS, I’d be much happier.
31. Seventh Moon (2008)
 Eduardo Sanchez, Hungry Ghost Festival, China, Amy Smart, what more can I say about this? It was great if you liked Blair Witch Project and Altered. These films hit you close to home, because they could be you. This one was no exception. Not long ago I returned to my home in China with my wife, and there we planned on meeting my family before being ambushed by a bunch of albinos. Joking aside, this is probably going in my top five for the challenge.
October 19th
32. Spiderhole (2010)
 If you are afraid of spiders, well, none are in this. This film was about squatters who are unlucky enough to find a house with a deranged killer in it, who was related to Jigsaw from Saw and obviously owned a Hostel at some point.
October 20th
33. The Black Waters of Echo's Pond (2009)
 Fantasy and Horror generally blend well together, but they tend to limit themselves without enough money for some awesome special effects. If you liked the old Full Moon attempts at the genre before they decided to crank out the goofiest films imaginable, you might dig this, if you can get past redneck Robert Patrick.
October 21st
33. The Blood Spattered Bride (1972)
 I grew up on so many foreign horror films that this one had a huge nostalgia factor. These old films in the vein of Hammer are what made me love the genre. This Gothic tale about vampirism was more or less a tale of forced social orders and rape, something that was apparently an issue in Spain at the time. I highly recommend it. The film, not rape.
34. I Dismember Mama (1972) 
 This one was paired with the above film, and I guess they do share the rape theme, but other than that, no similarities at all. I'm not a fan of rape movies and that's all this one tried to be, with poor acting and even poorer plausibility. The star was creepy and his obsession with one of his victims daughter was unnerving, but the best thing about this film besides the comical title was the end credits.
35. Gallowwalkers (2012)
 There is nothing greater than getting out of prison, unless you're Wesley Snipes and your last film sucked. You ever read a comic book and thought, man, this would be an awesome movie? And then you hear about how they're doing it, going to make it into a movie? Well, Spawn was great as a cartoon, but looked goofy in film. That's the case here. Move along.

Final

The October Horror Movie Challenge 2013 (Week 2)

Week 1

I decided to divide the October Challenge entries up by week (and post one entry for each week) so you don’t have to come back, forget where you left off, and pretend to not notice I made changes to some entries. Okay, you'll still have to do that if I'm updating this semi-regularly, but you will have less to wade through. As an aside, I could really go for a steak right now. 

October 8th
13. Cherry Falls (2000)
 The weird family situations and reversal of every parent’s fear made this good as a dark comedy. The slasher genre gets turned upside down when this killer is hunting virgins, so naturally every parent wants their child to lose it. Underage orgies were the least of the odd when you look at the creepy closeness shared by the mom and daughter. And this is coming from someone raised with northern European roots, so be warned and not ashamed when you have to shower afterward. 
14. Hidden 3D (2011)
 There was no shortage of direct to DVD horror in 2011 and films like this explain why. Typical, nothing special, and… CGI… ugly, horrible CGI. However, if you go into this expecting to see Cousin Larry from that show Perfect Strangers, you’re in for at least half a treat. Had Bronson Pinchot been cast to star, alongside the Mark Linn-Baker lookalike, I’d have been impressed. 
October 9th
15. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)
 I had this for about three years and finally decided to watch it, since it was on Netflix. Most people didn’t care for it, I assume because it’s based off a game and not a successful one at that. But with a circus of animators, writers and directors, there’s a bit of something for everyone and I thought the overall film had great cohesion for such an undertaking. It felt like an animated 300, minus the homo-erotic elements and excess screaming of every male voice, or maybe an extended Spawn cartoon, minus a stoned anti-hero. I enjoyed it and it’s certainly cool to see hell in all its graphic glory.  
16. Sam’s Lake (2006)
 Typical urban legend story, mixed with a little incest, and perhaps a killer who’s not as guilty as one might think. If there is one thing you cannot trust, it’s a ginger that battled Pipi Longstocking in the past. Fay Masterson and lady friends perform well doing women justice in this film. You won’t get boobs and screams here and you won’t even get the new dumb male cohorts we see on television. Instead, it’s a straightforward story with enough twists to keep you entertained. Not a perfect film, but take note of a few scenes that purposely avoid the shocking, last minute, clichés. If you like smarter women, this is a decent watch. 
17. The Woman in Black (2012)
 A lot of people hated this one. And they can go on and hate it for their various reasons. Most cried because it had the chills instead of thrills (that they always complain about anyway.) Others thought the previous television adaption, play, novel, Chick tract, etc. was far better, but I had no clue any of them existed until after seeing this, so I was lucky enough to approach this unbiased. First, I’d like to say that I never once thought of Harry Potter while watching this and that says a lot about an actor who has played him 37 times. Second, the story was just enough traditional and classical, and didn’t feel like it was trying to go against the modern expectations. Third, I really enjoyed it, even the ending, and felt like it was a true ghost story, one that comes alive and devours all of those who gave it scathing reviews. Die. 
October 10th
18. Cravings (2006)
  Some films hold together really well, until completely screwing it all up with a "shock" ending that has been done before, but with this type of story, doesn't make any sense. That being said, the first 95% of this film is really good, moving slow enough for you to explore the characters and get a taste for what they're doing, but not so fast that it's done and over with and makes you feel like the ending is crap. Sorry. The one weird thing about this was the competition between mother and daughter for the male lead. The film was originally titled Daddy's Girl, and I think it was switched to make it less of a jailbait film. I could be wrong. 
October 11th
19. Jug Face (2013)
 I think this one takes the lead for best film so far. Echoing back to the old days when gods seemed to abandon their worshipers and a new, more improved one, took up residence, Jug Face is about a rural community that revolves around a supernatural pit, it’s prophet a jug maker that reveals it’s desires. Should a face of someone appear, then they must be sacrificed to it in order to keep its healing powers going. But when the pit is lied to and betrayed, it’s vengeance knows no bounds, and the community is turned upside down, waiting for order to be restored. There are many levels to this: incest, social expectations, poverty, hell, the list goes on. Since I just ramble and offer a few thoughts instead of reviewing, I can only recommend you watch this if you have to pick one from any of my films so far.  
20. The Woman (2011)
 I’ve always seen Jack Ketchum’s screen work as more of shock for shock’s sake, but with this one, I felt the balance he really needed to deliver the macabre worked, probably thanks to Lucky McGee. You know right away that the creepy father’s plans to help the feral woman in the woods hide other intentions, and the emo-depressed daughter is a sure sign that depravity is lurking somewhere. However, I felt the overall message here was about female survival, and more importantly, rising to the occasion, standing up, enduring what you have to for the end result, and that’s exactly what the Woman does. Of note, two cast members from Jug Face star here as well. 
October 12th
21. The Road (2011)
 No, not the one with the guy from Lord of the Rings. A cop is given a medal that his boss doesn’t think he deserves and tells him to earn it by solving a disappearance. This Philippine ghost story is told in three stories, each jumping back ten years (2008, 1998, 1988), and acts almost like an anthology, only, well, it’s not and it’s about the same characters. I can’t think of another film off the top of my head that shows you the ghosts, and then shows you the origin stories, backward. While it doesn’t read like literature, it’s still very enjoyable and had a several scenes that freaked me out. Additionally, if you like murdering young women, this film is certainly for you.
October 13th
22. American Mary (2012)

 The storytelling in this was messy and the pacing in the final act messier. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it, but there really wasn't much of a rise to power for the lead. She's raped and then becomes this ruthless and sadistic bitch in five minutes. I get it was revenge, and that deep down she's always been this way, but people don't turn into Mengele over night. If you're anywhere near the body mod community (yeah, you lightweights who think your tatts and piercings are something) you should enjoy it. 
October 14th
23. The Burrowers (2008)

 It was Columbus Day and hundreds of years ago my forefathers were slaughtering my forefathers. I sided with the slaughtered. The Burrowers brings forth a weird western horror film about the gross mistreatment of native peoples by the United States and the consequences of putting an end to native life. Proud to be American, but not proud of how we came to be. We killed a lot of Burrowers to get here. This movies was one of my faves and I recommend it (as well as the prequel, Blood Red Earth, on Fearnet.)

Week 3

The October Horror Movie Challenge 2013 (Week 1)

Image provided unknowingly by Krell Labs.

It's a challenge with yourself, no one else. It begins midnight, October 1st. 31 films, 31 days, at least 16 first-time-views. It ends November 1st, 6 AM. This entry will be regularly updated the entire month and I plan on writing mini-reviews, comments, thoughts, opinions, anything and everything, after each film, so spoilers be warned.

October 1st
1. Uzumaki (2000)

 I liked this film because it starts out with a traditional romance, but spirals into a schizophrenic nightmare by the end, dooming both protagonists. Most Japanese horror films have a tendency to be very serious, but this one mixed in some comedic elements. I'm sure the eastern and western interpretations are drastically different, but that was what I took away from it. 

2. Thale (2012)

 Normally I would bash a film for relying so much on telling us the backstory instead of showing us, but at the heart, it's really about kindness, so all of that wasn't essential. Elvis and Leo are both likeable characters, and the little catch up scene we get between them certainly moved us closer. I was also a fan of how their characters didn't change throughout the film; they didn't need to. Thale was exotic looking and her story was just as sad. It was nice to see these three broken people bond and get a happy ending in the end. I also was impressed with the CGI, which looked more realistic than most big budget films. 

October 2nd
3. Rare Exports (2010)

 It's rather tough to go from the Norwegian Thale to the Finnish sausagefest that is Rare Exports. I've little bad to say about the film, but the major gripe is the lack of female cast. I don't recall a single woman, unless she's in a deleted scene I didn't bother watching. And since we are talking negatives, why couldn't we see an awakened evil Santa instead of one trapped in a ball of ice? This doesn't really hurt the film, but it was just odd and unexpected. I can see this film added to Christmas viewing alongside Gremlins in the future. 

4. The Shrine (2010)

 An ambitious journalist snubs her boss and takes her fellow journalist/researcher, as well as her photographer boyfriend, to a small village in Poland where there have been mysterious disappearances of tourists over the past several years. Upon arriving, they realize everyone is weird and doesn't want them there. They go and investigate a creepy mist that hovers in the woods. Upon entering it, both the girls get lost and discover a ridiculous looking statue that looks like something out of a poorly drawn Dungeons & Dragons book, before eventually meeting up again, only to be pursued by the villagers. The first half of the movie is horribly acted, lacks character development, the sets look like they were made for a public access show, and you'll want to turn it off. I’ve saved you the trouble. The last half delivers the goods. Nothing new, but definitely well done possession horror that every fan of the sub-genre will want to see. You've been warned about the first half, but I bet you're willing to give it a try now. Don't.

5. The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012)

 I didn’t really get the hype behind all of this. It’s a decent film, sure, but what exactly was so new or unique about this one compared to other films in the genre we’ve all seen? Your guess is as good as mine. I actually really liked that, despite having a protagonist, the eponymous character narrates the entire film, especially since we compare Leon to his mother, their similarities and differences, throughout. They both were into antiques, both had strained relationships, and dependence on those they were estranged from, and both were obviously lonely. The serene setting of the house during the day contrasted against the sinister setting it became at night looked really nice, minus the horrid CGI thing running around. I’m a huge fan of Shirley Jackson, which this film slightly borrows from, but there was just something about the film overall that didn’t land big points with me. Since I was tired when I watched it, I do plan on giving it another sometime in the future. Not this month.

October 3rd
6. The Seasoning House (2012)
 Perhaps the best film of the challenge yet, The Seasoning House shows us the horrors of war, or at least the aftermath for some young women who are forced into sexual slavery in Eastern Europe. Their treatment there is worse than had they been murdered along with their families. Being American, racism is all too familiar a concept, and while we pretend we invented it and have it fine tuned into an instrument of absolute hate, American racism is usually little more than being passed up for a job opportunity or being called a hurtful name. This films shows the way people of other ethnic groups are as valuable as cattle, and treated much the same. Our protagonist, the deaf Angel, grows accustomed to prepping the girls at the house, being spared their fate, while still being subjected to the master of the house on a regular basis. It's sad and heartbreaking, watching her go from room to room, prepping girls who will be raped and beaten by Neanderthals that deserve nothing short of excruciating genital mutilation and dying in pools of their own blood. She gives us some of that. Okay, a lot of that, and for that I love her and this film.
7. Cassadaga (2010)

 There is no way you can set a paranormal horror film in the "psychic capital of the world" and screw it up. Okay, yes, you can. This film was typical and cliché, both things I can deal with. This seemed like the writers for Dexter took a weekend during their break between season 7 and 8 to recharge their batteries and jot down a fresh horror idea. Instead, you get the same three-egg omelet with nothing but cheese in the center. This film didn't know what it wanted to be, and carried on and on without making any good attempts at originality. It's received a lot of praise, but the film just didn't put me in Cassadaga. 

October 4th
8. Wake Wood (2010)
 I grew up on Hammer Studios, but had no clue this was one of their films until afterwards. Losing a child is one of the worst things imaginable to a parent, or even someone who values life, so it is no surprise that parents would jump on the opportunity to have just a few more days with their precious gift. When this couple stumbles on that chance, and then fumbles on the rules of the game, everyone involved must pay the price. The little girl here was genuinely creepy and I thought the tale was told rather well with great pacing. The overall darkness and creepy settings are what one expects from Hammer and they are delivered here.
9. The Reeds (2010)
 This one reminded me heavily of more obscure films from the 80’s such as Bridge to Nowhere (1986), primarily in tone and the way it was shot (16mm is beautiful.) This is a fish out of water tale, no pun intended, since it takes place in the reeds, and rural horror is easier to pull off in such a locale. 6 young adults on a boat, creepy kids, a suspicious local, and dangerous adventures provide all the elements you need. While I felt this film did everything correct, I still can’t get over how it didn’t have to be a ghost story and those supernatural elements made the ending more convoluted. Many are confused on the overall meaning. I felt that the writer was trying to say a cycle had been broken, but why was it ever a cycle?
October 5th
10. Curse of Chucky (2013)
 I've always been a fan of franchise horror, but often the original idea gets lost in the middle. The Child's Play series is no exception, going from horror to horror comedy and almost parody, so I was thankful when this film returned to its roots. We never got too in depth on the back story of Charles Lee Ray, and in a roundabout way, this film introduces those elements in prequel flashbacks, while still being a sequel. There's not much new ground to cover in the sixth entry of a serial killing doll, but this one more or less completed a cycle. And while I started to miss Jennifer Tilly's character of Tiffany, she does make a cameo. Speaking of cameos, stay tuned until after the credits roll for the grandest one of all. Indeed, probably the best film since the first.

October 6th
11. Grimm Love (2006)
 I admit that every time I see the name Keri Russel I think of Theresa Russell which makes me give her films a chance. By default, ever since that horrid show of new adult stupidity, Felicity, just her face gets on my nerves. Naturally she starred in this film, which while based on a true story about a cannibal and the soon to be willing cannibalized, somehow was turned into a love story. The grimmest thing about this film is that she, as the star, fills a completely useless role of someone investigating what happened to the two males, after the fact. Maybe I'm biased, but I could have done without her investigation and gone with the two males telling their own tale. Not all Americans are stupid.
October 7th
12. One Dark Night (1982)
 There is something less sexy about Meg Tilly compared to her sister, Jennifer, however, the former certainly plays the vulnerable role much better. Certainly inspired by Phantasm and other horror films of the day, there was something okay with being cheesy in the 80's. This was a much needed dose of lightheartedness after several serious, and sometimes failed, features that wrapped up my first week of the challenge. 

Week 2

Thank You, Ben Affleck

I want to congratulate Ben Affleck for his casting as Batman. Personally, I believe he has his work cut out for him. But he's already uncovered how gullible and conformist people are. As soon as it was announced that he would be everyone's favorite vigilante, everyone went batshit crazy and took their turn bashing his performance (which had not been filmed, written, or probably even conceived.) Less than a week later, after a slew of famous and influential people gave their praise for the casting, everyone made a complete 180. And now a month later, everyone's acting like they've never had a problem with him being Batman. You're dumb.

  "You fapped to what I married." - Ben Affleck

Boycott Soul Temple Music: The Update

This is a response to this post: http://insanislupus.blogspot.com/2013/09/boycott-soul-temple-music.html


From the RZA:

"Although business is personal, when it comes to fans and consumers respect should be shown. So I'm publicly making these statements to fans...

There have been some bad staffing positions at the label which lead to some bad business. You fans have voiced your discontent so I will act.

We are removing Bob Perry from controlling the mail order dept and demoting him from president to Vp of A&R. He will retain his equity. 

For those who made orders that wasn't fulfilled our new staff will fill the orders or refund your money. Please send your names to our site

I will have a new email account for you fans who have not received your orders within 48hrs and have my l a office handle the matter.

These missed orders were not taken by me nor were they my responsibility but I hear your voices and I'm striving to remedy the matter....Soul Temple was an idea that's been with me for years. It was inspired by relationship with the great late Issac Hayes. We launched in 2012. I'm needing you to update your blog. 

Peace from the God"

I was then contacted by Ryan from Bandcamp:

"Dear Insanislupus,
Please accept our apologies for the trouble your fans had with their orders from Soul Temple. RZA has just posted some updates on the situation to his Facebook page.

We've reached out to Tam (RZA's new fulfillment person mentioned in the above posts) with a detailed list of all their customers still waiting for orders. If they've received what they ordered since the last time we corresponded, please let me know. Otherwise, please have them send a copy of their Bandcamp receipt to soultemppro@gmail.com, per Tam's instructions in the Facebook posts.

Again, apologies for the disappointing experience, and thank you for your patience,

Ryan 

P.S. Can you please update your blog with this information?"

Now combined with the efforts of the Facebook boycott, some of you people may be receiving your orders soon. Let me know. 

UPDATE

Boycott Soul Temple Music

I have to apologize for my recommendation. When Ghostface Killah released Twelve Reasons to Die, his latest album, I encouraged everyone to go and order it directly from RZA’s label, Soul Temple Music. Many were upset because it was delayed, but that was apparently due to the manufacturer. Eventually, I received my limited edition collector’s pack, an excellent deal and an awesome package. One record did have an additional label hanging, but easily peeled off, leaving the album unharmed. That was the only issue I had. Until now. 

The other day I was informed that there are hundreds (at least) of people who have not received orders they placed directly through the Soul Temple Music Bandcamp page. This included those who have never received their original order for 12R2D. I remember getting the pre-order emails for U-God and a few others well in advance of a release schedule. So far in advance that there is no way to dispute not getting it through PayPal (45 days), most banks (60 days), most credit cards (90). Status update emails apparently are never answered. Don’t get me wrong, you’d be partly to blame for actually spending money on one of U-God’s albums. He’s certainly the least recognizable, least skilled, least profitable, etc. of the Clan; I probably wouldn’t even download it for free.

Now you might think I’m being mean, and I admit that the truth hurts sometimes, but there’s no way Soul Temple Music doesn’t have entire skids of U-God’s album laying around. Maybe 100 bought it and they’re still waiting on it to ship? Please. I could see Ghost and RZA releases running out and needing to be repressed. But if you asked someone to name the members of Wu-Tang Clan, they’d give you every member, including Cappadonna, and still forget about U-God. This is the most anyone has ever written about him, so I’ll stop and get back to my point.

 U-God collapses after learning his first album

 finally went bronze ten years after release.

It doesn’t take that long to start up a small record label. Doesn’t take that many people to run it, either. There’s no reason why one person can’t print an order slip, pack the item in a box, tape it, and label it in one minute. That’s 60 an hour. In an 8 hour shift, with lunch and taking a few smoke breaks, you can crank out 400 a day, even if you’re lazy. That would take you 8 employees in 5 days to ship out the 15,000 units Ghostface sold the first week. He didn’t even sell a third of that the following week, so you could fire half of them and still make one get coffee, fetch lunches, wash your car, under-the-desk favors, whatever. 

RZA’s net worth is $18 Million. Ghostface Killah’s is $17 Million. U-God’s is less than yours. But it’s safe to say all the other Wu-Tang Clan members have more money than you. They made it off of us. None of these people cared you ordered and didn’t receive their album. People have been banned from their Facebook pages and Twitter accounts for simply asking where their orders are at. Soul Temple at least owe everyone a generic email response about how they’ve screwed everything up, repeatedly, and don’t know how to run a business. You’d have better results contacting the psychic Sylvia Browne and asking her if your package had shipped; she’d have better accuracy answering too.  

Boycott Soul Temple Music, RZA, Ghostface Killa, U-God, and anyone else that can’t make a simple phone call to help get the ball rolling. 

UPDATE

Karma Can't Be A Bitch

I often see people across the internet commenting on the misfortunes of others and how karma is apparently paying them back for, what I assume are, trespasses against them. It’s usually some bullshit remark like how they’re enjoying the bad karma said wrongdoer has received. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn't that mean, in your heavily westernized interpretation of an Indian concept, that you will have the same negativity shoved back in your face? So why are you then lamenting about how poor your luck is and how your life sucks and now you’re broke and about to be homeless and your car’s broke down and you are dying from a rare disease, yet not admitting it’s probably karma paying you back for your own misdeeds? What I’m trying to say is, karma, something you wholeheartedly believe in, is telling you you’re a hypocrite and more than likely a dick; wake up. 

Waiting to die 5,999,999 more times. 
Yeah, everyone with an internet connection
 knows he had more than 6 million
 people killed; stop ruining jokes.

I Had a Seizure

"Life is too short to be average all the time; it's boring." - Wim Hof

     On July 1st, 2013, I had a seizure at work. I know, people have them all the time, but it was a first for me. Normally, people who have experiences outside the norm gain an appreciation for, or crusade in the name of awareness, of said medical condition. However, my experience went as follows: sat down at my desk. Woke up on floor. Taken to hospital. Sent home. More in depth, they did a CBC with Auto Diff, Basic Metabolic Panel, Differential, Quantitative D-Dimer, Hemoglobin A1C, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, Lipid Panel, T4 Free, TSH, T3, Vitamin D 25 Hydroxy, EEG Regular Radiant, Echo-cardiogram, Comprehensive Sleep Study with 4 or more Parameters and an MRI on the brain with and without Contrast. Copy and Paste united!
     What really pisses me off about the whole thing is the waiting game. I may have had a seizure, and while they're almost certain I did, almost certain I won't have one again, I have to wait around like I certainly did. That means I can't drive, hold sharp objects, or take a long walk through the woods since no one will find me in the event I have another one. In short, I can't do all the things anti-social people do; I hate it. For the record, they're not 100% sure it was a seizure because no one witnessed it (and it could have been a heart attack or stroke), but I was found unconscious, had a bite to the side of my tongue (99% caused by seizures), and had a dislocated shoulder they failed to detect in the hospital that I had to reset myself at 2 in the morning; I sent the hospital a bill for my services.  
     Still, to be on the safe side and prevent anyone else from having the same issues, I would like to briefly detail the warning signs I had. While it's no secret and nothing new, I was awake for 30 hours, followed by a few nights of 3-4 hours of sleep when I awoke around midnight with a weird spell of déjà vu. I have that all the time. Culturally, it is a past life memory, or a premonition warning me of coming events. Psychologically, my brain is having a random access memory error and making memories up. But this was more than just a "been here before" feeling because I felt like I was getting sick to my stomach and then I had an overwhelming sense of dread. Being fearless, this was the most alarming and strange. Apparently, those are signs of partial seizures. Had I known, well, I still would have had a seizure, so I guess they wouldn't have helped much. 

Stop Giving Entertainers Money

There is this new trend where people (usually musicians) need money for something and they go straight to Kickstarter or some other crowd funding site to ask for donations. Since when is that not called begging? First off, you don’t need money, you want money. In the rules of business, you either can’t handle your expenses, or there is no demand for your supply. Second, you’re not offering anything to anyone. You want me to give you money because you can’t afford to do whatever it is you want to do. This wouldn’t even work in communist countries and I can spend that money on something I want instead. Third, you want me to enable your future financial woes by using me as your contingency plan. You are the problem, not anyone else, or the world, or a supreme being, or luck, fate, karma, etc. Not going to happen.

People dying from diseases or starving in foreign countries need charity. Whatever happened to the days where you produced something someone wanted to buy and this money went into furthering future ventures? I don’t have a problem with someone jacking up the price on something they’re selling; it’s my own personal decision on what I think is a good deal or not. But these people aren’t selling anything. I’m not your girlfriend, your parents, or even a friend, and certainly not an idiot who welcomes solicitations from a glorified pan-handler pretending to be someone in need. They’re literally begging fans to give them money for nothing in return. No ticket to a show, painting, mention in their book, sexual favor, or anything besides a transaction from a bank account. Instead, go to your local cheap store and buy them a calculator. Teach them the basics about finance and how to save for their future. Ultimately, let them know it’s only a job if they get paid for it and no one is paying them to merely exist. 

I just spent 44% of my income fund-raising for the new Nickelback CD!

The Lines Are Always Pure

Repost: This was put up a few days ago, but was obviously removed by the NSA, a draconian organization that suppresses my freedom of speech. I can think of no reason this would have been removed, other than they are afraid I will reveal the reptilian origins of one of the subjects. 

Mulvaney sounds like an evil sorcerer from a Dungeons and Dragons game, but I assure you John's also quite capable of putting out interesting short bios about artists you should be decorating your home with. Watch this six minute video and tell me Daire Lynch won't be going on a drunken rampage in the near future (increasing the value of your purchased artwork.) He also paints occasionally. 

Daire Lynch's Website

Best Way To Contact John Mulvaney

Katzenklavier

It takes someone deeply disturbed, or equally comedic, to come up with a Katzenklavier. Essentially, it's a piano or organ that instead of using catgut, used the entire cat. Yes, I've read enough on the internet to know cat intestines were never used for string. Still, cats were placed in order of their natural pitch, their tails stretched and perhaps nailed to the keys. While it is said that this concept never actually manifested in real life, I find it hard to believe no one ever tried it, ever. It spawned a film narrated by Nick Cave. 

Cat Organ Wiki

Robert Liston

I, like many people, get stuck on Wikipedia on a regular basis whenever I start reading about anything interesting. Until now, I've never felt the need to share, but I have a service to the anti-social community in entertaining them, so here goes my first attempt at sharing something you could just as easily find yourself. 

Robert Liston was a Scottish surgeon who was apparently a badass at amputation and able to do it faster than anyone else. Unfortunately, he sometimes amputated more than was necessary. Unfortunately, malpractice was a long way off. 

His most famous case apparently involved amputating a leg in record time, accidentally amputating his assistant's fingers, too, and then amputating the coat tails of a spectator, all of which died, two from infection, and one from fright. Triple-kill achievement unlocked. 

Robert Liston's Wiki

Answer: Robert Liston

Man of Steel Sucked (and Other Plagiarisms)

I’m pretty sure that when you review a film, it should not only be your own opinion, but you should have actually seen the film you are reviewing, too. I’ve been trying to understand why so many people hate the new Superman by reading the various reviews around the web. Sadly, most of them appear to be reviews of reviews, or at least stolen bits and pieces passed off as the work of a new author. I get that you didn’t like the film. I didn’t think it was great, but I certainly didn’t think it was horrible. I certainly don’t see all of the flaws people keep pointing out. Let’s tackle some of them. 

The special effects were weak and overused and this film had too much science-fiction. 
Not really. If  you’re complaining that the 3D sucked, then I agree; it did. But the special effects go pretty far beyond that and they were obviously better than past efforts, but also more realistic, taking some physics into play. And how exactly do you overuse special effects on a character who can fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, and get run over by trains without a mark? Also, how do you include an alien and not get categorized into science-fiction? 

The A-List cast was poorly used and not given enough screen time.
I agree. The original film title was Friends, Family and Acquaintances of the Man of Steel and it focused on them instead of the titular character. Who wants to watch a Superman film that focuses on him? Wait for the director’s cut. Many of these same people criticized the length of the film, too. 

There is a lack of character development and this isn’t Superman.
I’m pretty sure the entire film works on the eponymous star’s character development. Also, he was Superman for only a small portion of the film, because it’s an origins story. Had you actually seen the film, you would know he doesn’t step out of a phone booth to save the world in the first five minutes. Also, I knew everything I needed to know about the majority of supporting characters, and again, this isn’t their film. 

There is no humor, happiness, joy, compassion, etc. 
There has to be? Are we seriously bashing reboots when they’re not the same, identical film you didn’t want to see remade in the first place? Had it been a funny, happy, and joyous Vince Vaughn remake, you’d be crying about that, too. Anti-heroes are what sell and they still lifted him above that and kept him true to his roots. Christopher Reeves called and said he died years ago; move along. 

I’m already bored with hearing people passing someone else’s opinion off as their own, so I’ll stop there. Man of Steel is certainly not the best take on Superman. The action scenes escalate instantly and stay at the same exact pace throughout, ruining any chance of legitimate excitement most of the time, and the 3D was a rip-off. The story was nothing stellar, not even attempting the impossible by avoiding what we already know, but instead stayed away from full rewrites that make fanboys foam at the mouth. Most of the supporting cast stayed briefly. Lois Lane was severely under-used and seemed almost pointless in the entire thing (but that was fine, since once again, this is an origins story.) But the new General Zod was better than previous villains in every respect and the story of hope everyone wanted didn’t come until the very end, when hope ultimately matters. There is an after credits scene of Christopher Reeves CGIed interviewing Henry Cavill for the Daily Planet, if this makes any of you happy. 

You almost got this.

Review: Marianne (2011)

There is no horror greater than losing your penis, except sleep paralysis. Marianne is a horror film that, according to Wikipedia, “focuses on the mental state of Krister, a man who is left to raise a newborn baby whilst coping with a teenage daughter who blames him for the recent death of his wife. In the midst of his psychological turmoil, Krister suffers from terrible nightmares and becomes convinced that his troubles may be the work of a Mare that is haunting him.” The story is about coping with loss while trying to reconcile with those that remain. 

What I didn’t like:

Eva’s boyfriend, Stiff, the only one with a solution to Krister’s supernatural problem, was dismissed too easily and conveniently. Eva transforms into a more mature woman, dumping him to care for her father. I get that maybe Kirster’s only real problem was the overwhelming guilt with the situation he was in, but the ending suggested that not only does the father still take his ritual advice before going to bed, but that Marianne is indeed more than just a byproduct from a guilty conscience. I also thought the film was a bit light on horror. But compared to the similar 2009 film, The Eclipse, which had the same tone, yet brief and heavy horror elements, the lack of them may have been what helped this one. 

What I did like:

The setting was perfect and I could see the supernatural playing out in the sleepy northern parts of Sweden. The cast formed a very realistic friends and family network. The story plays out like a typical family drama where women die and daughters hate their fathers and date losers they don’t approve of, all against a waning supernatural backdrop. While slow paced, the film makes great use of each scene. In the first, we learn that Kirster is cheating on his wife, and in the next, she’s dead, foreshadowing the gratuitous flashbacks throughout. The best part about the film is figuring out what exactly Marianne is. Is she just a psycho, a witch, ghost, hallucination, or Kirster’s guilty conscious? The story is one of choices and the tragedy of the film is that had he not gotten back with his wife, she’d still be alive. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. 

If you like tortured protagonists, folklore, nocturnal spirits, common, yet obscure medical 

conditions, or Sweden in general, you'll dig this film.

Marianne was written and directed by Filip Tegstedt and stars Thomas Hedengran, Peter Stormare,  Tintin Anderzon, Sandra Larrson, Dylan M. Johansson, and Viktoria Sätter, as Marianne.

Wiki

IMDB

Official

All Dogs Go To Heaven

          It's really easy to determine if someone is a leader, follower, or anti-social loner online. Currently there are large and vocal groups of people who think they are philosophers, scientists, or comedians, three things they are not and usually have a poor understanding of, who want to join in and ruin every conversation had on the webs so they can win some illusory battle of wits going on in their heads. Before I go further, I am aware that anti-social is a misused term for people who are asocial, but the asocial club doesn't have a nice ring to it and you can't even put it on buttons or stickers, let alone shirts, without people reminding you of that fact. Also, I am aware that loners normally do not completely avoid other people. The only reason I am explaining all of that is because one of the aforementioned jackasses will think they are smart by pointing that out; they’re not.

          I wanted to discuss a phenomena related to the false dilemma and one I see everyone engaging in (and I have already pointed it out before, I think). Black-and-white thinking is when you essentially believe something is all or nothing, like how all of the Jews in Israel are killing Palestinians, but everyone in the media is covering it up, because no one can handle the truth, and would rather listen to Nickelback, whose songs all suck. Okay, that last one is an irrefutable fact. Bad example. But everyone needs to stop the black-and-white thinking, not so you look like less of an idiot, but so that you start being less of one. My regular readers do not care if they are guilty of it, because they all rule. But you one-timers who drop by and ask for directions without even buying a map should take heed, because you’re doing the exact opposite of what you think you are doing, and you look stupid doing it. Real stupid.

The above picture is white.

It Is NOT Veteran’s Day

I know people are always in a hurry to pretend to appreciate soldiers for what they have done for them, despite the fact they probably have no clue what any of them have done for them, but today is Memorial Day and it is distinct from Veteran’s Day in that one is to honor those who died while serving in the armed forces and the other is to honor all of those who have served in the armed forces.

Now if you’re hiding behind the excuse that you honor ALL soldiers blah, blah, blah, it still makes you an idiot, because this is Memorial Day, and by that logic, I can hand out Christmas presents right now, and every word in the dictionary can mean whatever the hell I want it to. Everyone who has died while in the armed forces is a veteran, but not all veterans have died while in the armed forces. The latter sacrificed a lot, while the former sacrificed everything, and because of that, we have two separate holidays. It’s really that simple.  

I would like to thank all of the surviving veterans 

who died for my sins.

Review: The Awakening (2011) AKA Haunted (1995)

The Awakening is a ghost film that is a ghost of the film Haunted. Rebecca Hall/Aidan Quinn is a post WWI author that wrote a book debunking the paranormal, and more specifically spiritualism, after the death of her/his lover/sister. Being staunch skeptics, she/he begins to believe something unexplainable may be happening at the countryside manor they were called to in order to relieve the inhabitants of. Only a few minor things separate The Awakening from being a remake of Haunted and the two are seriously almost identical. Hall is invited to a boarding school by a teacher and potential love interest in Dominic West.  Quinn is invited by a nymphomaniac socialite in Kate Beckinsale. Both investigators start hallucinating which makes them question their beliefs and sanity. One has a housekeeper, the other has a nanny. Both maids have the ability to see the deceased. Hall and Quinn begin being reminded of their lost loved one halfway through the film. Both leads are given the SPOILER ALERT: “shocking” revelation that they are actually dragons and must eat people to stay alive and that they are indeed correct that ghost are not real, but all dragons come from the planet Venus and must interact with aliens. To be fair, The Awakening has the underlying theme of picking up the pieces after the tragedy of war and at its core is about healing through love and compassion (and that dragons are really a prehistoric species of spider,) and Haunted has the underlying theme that there really isn’t an underlying theme and this is a simple ghost story. They are both competent tales, The Awakening having more substance, but Haunted having  a less convoluted ending. Perhaps they would make a decent double feature instead of seeing them fifteen years apart? 

Picaso holding an owl. 

Rotten Tomatoes Isn't Always Right

You know, you can have your own opinion on a film if you’d like. The problem is it caters to a group of writers who work for newspapers and magazines, professional critics if you will. As soon as someone becomes a critic, they instantly go into douchebag mode. It’s no secret that fans of horror movies, real fans and not people who only collect the Saw series, specifically go to horror websites for reviews on films to avoid these mainstream, pretentious snobs who have by and large never been laid, and have decided to take their hatred out on everything with blood in it that’s not a vagina. Probably Freudian. That being said, reviews are now back because I’m sick and tired of everyone touting Rotten Tomatoes like they’re the authority on film; they’re not. They do not follow the golden rule of anti-social film viewing: It’s not worth watching unless someone dies in it. Only then should a film be reviewed and they have long broken that rule, so I thought it befitting that I bring back my own opinions for my own writing pleasure.

This also includes reviews on everything else, from music to blind dates, but not Rotten Tomatoes. 

Who's rotten now, bitch?

Terrorist Should Get Girlfriends

Maybe I’m oversimplifying things here, but you’d think if maybe they took the time to go out for a night on the town with a member of the sex of their choice, they would have less reason to blow things up. Instead of sitting on your computer and Googling how to make explosive devices out of toasters, you could be on Match, eHarmony, Adult Friend Finder, or Angie’s List, meeting new people with similar interest. If that fails, you could also go outside and to a public place where you are bound to meet someone new. There is also the option to get a mail-order-bride, maybe even from your own country that you think sucks because of American oppression, that would be more than willing to start a better life here. Speaking of which, our government that you hate, keeps you poor, won’t mind its own business, etc., does the same thing to us, and we hate it, too; you’re not original. Only thing is, we don’t go and blow each other up in protest. In fact, your campaign of terror only promotes government spending to make life more miserable. You die; we get angry about tax increases and in turn gladly support you dying. I get that you want to be heard, but you’re less of a dick if you write a blog and you will be heard plenty if you have cat pictures with stupid captions on them.

Most of us would also probably respect

you if you dressed like this.

Easter Is Older Than You

I was on Facebook today when I counted a total of 17 status updates from people who were tired of seeing all the pictures of Jesus in their news feed, because it’s apparently not Easter and they don’t live in a country where the majority of people self-identify as Christian. What I found most ironic was that I didn't see a single picture of Jesus. Not one. Sure, there were the no-longer-funny zombie Jesus updates, as well as the boring Happy Easter ones, but not one religious mention. Being the awesome person I am, I decided to make a picture (or steal it from someone on the internet and do a horrible job defacing it) so their protests wouldn't be over nothing. Happy Easter, everyone. Antisocial Jesus wants you to...

... especially about the pagan origins of every 

Christian holiday that everyone in the world 

already knows and doesn't care about; 

you're not smart.

Sold Out

I’m really sick and tired of websites that list something they no longer have to sell. It’s the equivalent of walking into a hospital while bleeding to death and them telling you they used to have an emergency room. Dick move. It works like this: You search Google for an item and get back 1,000,000 hits, hopeful that the first couple will have the best price. You click on them, but each one says ‘Sold Out’ at the very bottom of the 18 paragraphs describing what you were already going to buy. I get that some things are limited edition, but how about not listing them on an ecommerce site once you’ve sold all of them? What’s really bad is the number of major sites that actually still do this: Amazon, Staples, Walmart, Sears, pretty much all of the top selling retailers. Google is just as guilty for enabling them. It’s called technology and there is no excuse for it, since pretty much every inventory control application designed in the past 10 years should be able to remove something from the catalog once it’s out of stock. Rather than correct this, they’re perfectly content with being the guy who still brags about someone they slept with in high school, ten years later. Die. 

"Sold Out"

The Oscars Are Run By Hipsters

In general, I’m not a fan of anything that is titled one thing (the Academy Awards), but called something else entirely (the Oscars.) It’s annoying and makes me think you’re just trying to make it appear like a real person. More so than that, the choice of actors and best picture nominations are usually not only annoying, but insulting. I get that more popular, mainstream films stand a greater chance to appeal to the masses, and honestly, they often are the winners, which makes sense, sure. But do you really have to include a bunch of films and actors I have never heard of and no one has even watched? I remember sitting down and viewing all of the films nominated one year, each one being a disappointment. It was 1992; Howard’s End put me to sleep before the beginning, Scent of a Woman smelled like sweaty feet, and the Crying Game… A Few Good Men was just an A-list rip off of Law & Order, so don’t even act like that’s a saving grace. There have been other years where all of the films were good to great, like 1990 and 1991, which primarily showcased a bunch of guy flicks. But usually, and pretty much the majority of other years, they have to slip some film snob crap in there, like the Pianist, starring Adrian Brody’s annoying looking face, sponsored by Starbucks, Apple, and stupid looking sweaters. They even once had a movie about a talking pig. I rest my case. Or I could continue. 
Every time Daniel Day-Lewis does a movie, it’s almost a given he will be nominated or win best actor. If average Joseph was named Daniel Day-Lewis, I’d hit him right in the teeth, but D-Day has earned the right to have a hyphenated last name that suggests greatness due to his unrelenting portrayal of badassery in pretty much every role and his ability to tell Hollywood that he will be going on vacation for five years. Then there is Sean Penn, hipster personified. Not only is he a washed up actor, turned director, but he’s also a self-appointed diplomat that travels to other countries to speak against US foreign policy, behind heavily fortified walls, surrounded by armed bodyguards, 50 miles from militarized zones, and with a single-serve coffee machine, oh, and a photographer; what a brave man. Do you ever do anything that’s not about publicity, like, oh, I don’t know, act and direct? This year’s Lupus award for worst looking face to ever grace a screen goes to, Sean Penn, again. In short, just watch movies that sound interesting to you and not those weighted down by bullshit, elitist-voted awards that involve more politics than actual art. 

"Whoa, bra, you should like, leave the 

Falkland Islands alone. Hehehehehe."

Love #5: John McClane

The greatest thing about the Die Hard series is that they basically just built it around Willis. The first film shows what Willis would do if terrorist took over Demi Moore’s work. The second film shows what Willis would do if terrorists showed up at the SAG Awards. The third film shows what Willis would do if terrorists showed up while he was hanging out with Samuel L. Jackson. The fourth film shows what Willis would do if terrorists hacked his Facebook account. The fifth films shows what Willis would do if he was in Russia, his son was on steroids, and terrorists showed up. I just watched this marathon in the theaters, so my analysis of these films is spot on. Pretty much everything John McClane goes through is survivable. I admit that as the films go on, he does crazier stunts that make him appear more superhuman, but this is only because he’s built himself up to it, a veteran of being a badass. Honestly, the only thing separating you from being Willis is that you've never been put in his situation, are antisocial, and probably not as wealthy. 

"Yippee-ki-yay, Mister Drummond!" -Todd Bridges