What In the Hell!

“If at first you don’t succeed, you’re an absolute failure.” – W. E. Hickson

You don't watch Doomsday Preppers and collect Foxfire books just to come out of your bunker and find that everyone is still alive. On the bright side, that means us. On the dark side, that means everyone else. I guess that’s black and white thinking. Since the world hasn’t ended (yet) and I have nothing better to do with my time aside from representing the second amendment, I have decided to continue on. This marks my one-hundredth entry into how awesome we have become. New Year’s Resolution = another one-hundred entries for 2013 alone. That’s a guaranteed two entries a week of everything that is stupid and you should hate and it gives me two weeks of vacation, too. Now if you will excuse me, I have a migration headache. 

Ducks of the Ku Klux Klan.

All Great Things Come To an End (2012)

I had a goal in mind of 100 blog entries before the end of the world, but in reality, the 50 entries milestone was the most blog entries I've ever achieved before having my blog deleted for whatever lame reason people could come up with. Obviously, with this one being 99, I've exceeded that goal, so there is really no reason to reach for the unprecedented 100. Now before anyone gets bent out of shape and tells me the end of the world is not really coming, I must warn you to stop being influenced by the same idiots they find passed out and naked at the library, with a bottle of wine in one hand and the latest Richard Dawkins book in the other, his author picture defiled after a marathon fap session. While I’m at it, stop reading books about science from non-practicing scientist who want to turn their work into a religion and also stop pretending that you yourself are scientific; you’re not. Instead, you should be reading Hal Lindsey, who has written about the end of the world since 1970, each update or rewrite of his original book stalling our ultimate demise. He’s a real expert on the subject, unlike babbling idiots such as Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, and the occasionally correct Magic 8 Ball. I want to thank you all for being devout readers over the years, especially those who have followed my blog through the many incarnations and spread the word. 26 countries, 6 continents, and 1 world have been reached by my message, and for that I am eternally grateful. Or at least until midnight. I hope our enemies die first. 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only 

begotten Magic 8 Ball, that whoever reads the 

Anti-Social Club will still perish, but had a 

much more enjoyable life than 

everyone else." 

- Lupus 99:1

Daily Quote 12/17/2012

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Richard Pryor

"Everyone carries around his own monsters."

Limited Edition Black Sabbath: The Vinyl Collection 1970-1978

Just kidding. You can’t buy it here or anywhere else and I’ll now inform you why. As you may know or be feigning ignorance, I do not like digital music over concern that the government is secretly tracking our music listening habits so that they can force bands like Nickelback down our throats as a form of punishment. The first album I ever independently listened to was Black Sabbath’s Paranoid. I was a child of but 3 that snuck into the attic, found an interesting looking album, put it on the old record player and fired it up. I knew then what people meant when they called it the devil’s music, for it was foreign to me, horrific even, for guitars and vocals should not have sounded like that. But I was drawn in again and again, day after day, continuing a little bit further through the tracks, until finally making it all the way through. I would never be the same again. To me, it was my Necronomicon, that forbidden volume I never should have found, handled, or become obsessed with. I love you, Mom and Dad.

As a youth, I had those first eight albums, collected from parents, aunts, uncles, and friends, in vinyl, and as a teenager, I had the first 8 albums in cassette, and the same 8 albums as an adult in CD, and I even once downloaded the non-Osbourne albums in MP3. But eventually I bought the remastered vinyl albums, one by one, preferring the imports over the Rhino versions to further confuse Uncle Sam and whatever nickname they have for the British government. Then Universal released the Limited Edition Black Sabbath: The Vinyl Collection 1970-1978. It included the same albums I already owned, plus the Live At Last album, plus the Evil Woman 7” (which I also already own), but came with a really neat book of collected tour programs and obviously in an awesome slip case. I placed my order on the first day, despite barely having the money to buy it. I am American after all.

Almost a month later I get an email explaining to me that my order has been cancelled due to no stock. I find this amazing since people who ordered it days after me didn't have their order cancelled. Then just today I got on the Black Sabbath Facebook page to see about 500 people complain about not being able to buy the box set anywhere and just as many people complaining about having their orders cancelled. Great job, Universal, by ruining the chance to make three times the profit. You exist solely to make money, yet you hamper your own ability to do so. As such, even if you put another edition of the box set out, you will not get money from me over it. Kindly die. 

This is not a sign of distress, but rather me hoping

 all the blood goes to their head and they die. 

Stop Buying Crappy Christmas Presents

Look, I know some people are hard to buy for. I also know some people are unappreciative and you just buy them something for the sake of it. But when it comes to buying something for everyone else, is it really too hard to get them something they actually want? I hear complaints all the time that no thought goes into a gift card. Yeah, because people don't like money. Hell, I'd prefer to get nothing but gift cards because then I won't have to pretend I liked the present from you in order to not hear tired sayings like, "It's the thought that counts." Yeah, thanks for thinking I wanted something I've never expressed any interest in. Had you put any thought into buying me a Christmas present, it would have been that Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast picture disc (which I bought for myself already; it was the thought that counted.) Now no one ever gives me presents I don't want because I'm a simple man who enjoys the finer pleasures of menage a threes for a gift, but I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say don't be pissed to see what you got me being sold on eBay.

Die!

Daily Quote 12/11/2012

"Where disbelief reigns, the desire to believe is essential." – Dr. Phillip S. Duke, PhD

Daily Quote 12/03/2012

"If I respected them, I wouldn't do this." - William Friedkin

"Reverend Jim looks like me."