Toad Road (2012)

Updated: On this fine, cold, snowy, icy, February 15th, 2014,  I would like to point out, since my point may have been missed, that the real life death of the lead is not more incentive to see this film, but it has turned this film into a weird sort of metafiction. Also, this day has brought to us the inclusion of a link to a review by the person I heavily quoted. His blog is much better for movie reviews than mine, except for this entry, and a few others where I talk about movies. 

Visit him here: For It Is Man's Number 

Update: Yet another person I spent time with in prison has reviewed this film. 

Visit him here: Horror 101 w/Dr. A.C.

I hate writing movie reviews, unless it's a film I absolutely cannot live without. This is not one of those cases, so I'll be brief. Toad Road is a psychedelic horror film, one that uses characters on drugs, a few bad-trip moments, a real urban legend involving the pursuit of the Seven Gates of Hell, and then leaves you with either an unsettling ending, or an unsattisfying one, depending on what you're looking for. If you're tired of seeing trip movies shot by people who have only heard wild stories of LSD weekends, this one has a much more accurate portrayal. If you've ever seen the Harmony Korine and Larry Clark film, Kids (1995), imagine that meets Marble Hornets, but involving a lot of drugs and haunting atmosphere. It's only 75 minutes, so it's not much of a commitment, but be warned that the majority of people hated it.

While nowhere near a perfect film, my friends started heavily bashing it, with one claiming that it was "one of the bigger pieces of shit I have watched on Netflix in recent months." He didn't actually write about it, so I'll not waste my time linking to his less popular blog. When I made the comment that the star had died from an overdose, he responded, "Her death from drugs means I have to entirely re-evaluate my opinion of the movie. Wait, no, it's still a piece of dogshit." The thing is, I respect his opinion on films and agree with most of what he reviews, so I was baffled why it was hated so much. Because of this, I figured maybe the reason I liked it was because I heard the story of the lead actress, Sara Anne Jones, long before the film was released. Naturally, I forgot all about the damn thing until the hate came, but having reread the same article and then watched the film, I rather enjoyed it and hope you do, too.

1. Start by reading this 

article about the female lead.

2. If you've never done hallucinogens, 

read this article next (otherwise, skip it or do drugs).

3. Read the Wiki page about the Seven Gates of Hell.

4. Watch the movie, or if you're still 

waiting around for some odd reason and 

you're a metal fan, listen to this video.

Review: Hidden Horror: A Celebration of 101 Underrated and Overlooked Fright Flicks

Let's face it, most horror film guide books suck. Either they're aimed at people who primarily watch romantic comedies and have no clue who the most basic villains are, or they're written by someone attempting to be the next Roger Ebert, like horror fans give a shit about his view on anything in the genre. The last book of this type I reviewed was one several of my friends had a hand in writing, Horror 101; it ruled. The one I'm going to review now is, shockingly enough, also written by several of my friends, Hidden Horror; it also rules and can be purchased here.

While not pretending to be an upright citizen, Aaron Christensen dons his alter ego, Dr. AC, and has gone out of his way to bring us a second volume of great horror films that fans of the genre may have missed. Across the globe (not nearly as many countries as the Anti-Social Club,) he has gathered some of the most knowledgeable writers on the genre. Enough playing nice; he only included reviews that actually mattered.

Going through the contents page, films that helped to shape (or unshape) the young Insanislupus mind answered the role call: The Blob (1988), Dark Night of the Scarecrow, The Entity, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The Hitcher, I Spit On Your Grave (1978), The Legend of Hell House, Psycho II, The Reflecting Skin, and Tombs of the Blind Dead, just to name several. Thanks to the previous book, as well as good company and even a few random picks, I would later be turned on to a new generation of horror films, some "underrated," others "overlooked": Brimstone & Treacle, The Company of Wolves, Frailty, Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural, The Mothman Prophecies, Season of the Witch, and Uzumaki, to name fewer. Yet there are still several in this book I have not seen.

The writing is top notch, as to be expected. The cover art and layout are nothing short of professional. The pictures within look great. Of course, I am obligated to point out flaws and luckily they are few and minor. Society, by Scott LeBrun, is on page 245, not 254. Not really sure how that was missed. The other is that some of the previous writers did not return. I know this isn't really a sequel to Horror 101, and there are many reasons why some would not return, including making room for new ones, but some of them still write and I would have loved seeing what films they would include here in Hidden Horror. Back to why you should buy this, there were two things that stood out to me, and probably only me. One, each entry has a block heading that includes the title, year of release, image from the movie, author, dialogue quote, and then it bleeds off the page, beautifully. Two, the dimensions of the book are the exact same height and width as Horror 101, which helps if you're slightly anal about the layout of your bookshelf. 

Hidden Horror is like fan fiction, only it's not crap and not fiction; it's written by the student's of the genre, the ones you look forward to copying off of for the final, or borrowing records off of to seem hip. Don't believe me? I don't really care, but you can read several pages of it over at Amazon. Or you can buy Hidden Horror now!

The Huge Print Kitley Kut is available for

 the nearly blind and those with large hands 

(photo used without permission and under the

 threat of getting hacked by Anonymous.) 

Also, I made that part up about Society

 being on page 245, but I bet a lot of people

 checked before reading this far. 

Review: Marianne (2011)

There is no horror greater than losing your penis, except sleep paralysis. Marianne is a horror film that, according to Wikipedia, “focuses on the mental state of Krister, a man who is left to raise a newborn baby whilst coping with a teenage daughter who blames him for the recent death of his wife. In the midst of his psychological turmoil, Krister suffers from terrible nightmares and becomes convinced that his troubles may be the work of a Mare that is haunting him.” The story is about coping with loss while trying to reconcile with those that remain. 

What I didn’t like:

Eva’s boyfriend, Stiff, the only one with a solution to Krister’s supernatural problem, was dismissed too easily and conveniently. Eva transforms into a more mature woman, dumping him to care for her father. I get that maybe Kirster’s only real problem was the overwhelming guilt with the situation he was in, but the ending suggested that not only does the father still take his ritual advice before going to bed, but that Marianne is indeed more than just a byproduct from a guilty conscience. I also thought the film was a bit light on horror. But compared to the similar 2009 film, The Eclipse, which had the same tone, yet brief and heavy horror elements, the lack of them may have been what helped this one. 

What I did like:

The setting was perfect and I could see the supernatural playing out in the sleepy northern parts of Sweden. The cast formed a very realistic friends and family network. The story plays out like a typical family drama where women die and daughters hate their fathers and date losers they don’t approve of, all against a waning supernatural backdrop. While slow paced, the film makes great use of each scene. In the first, we learn that Kirster is cheating on his wife, and in the next, she’s dead, foreshadowing the gratuitous flashbacks throughout. The best part about the film is figuring out what exactly Marianne is. Is she just a psycho, a witch, ghost, hallucination, or Kirster’s guilty conscious? The story is one of choices and the tragedy of the film is that had he not gotten back with his wife, she’d still be alive. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. 

If you like tortured protagonists, folklore, nocturnal spirits, common, yet obscure medical 

conditions, or Sweden in general, you'll dig this film.

Marianne was written and directed by Filip Tegstedt and stars Thomas Hedengran, Peter Stormare,  Tintin Anderzon, Sandra Larrson, Dylan M. Johansson, and Viktoria Sätter, as Marianne.

Wiki

IMDB

Official

Review: The Awakening (2011) AKA Haunted (1995)

The Awakening is a ghost film that is a ghost of the film Haunted. Rebecca Hall/Aidan Quinn is a post WWI author that wrote a book debunking the paranormal, and more specifically spiritualism, after the death of her/his lover/sister. Being staunch skeptics, she/he begins to believe something unexplainable may be happening at the countryside manor they were called to in order to relieve the inhabitants of. Only a few minor things separate The Awakening from being a remake of Haunted and the two are seriously almost identical. Hall is invited to a boarding school by a teacher and potential love interest in Dominic West.  Quinn is invited by a nymphomaniac socialite in Kate Beckinsale. Both investigators start hallucinating which makes them question their beliefs and sanity. One has a housekeeper, the other has a nanny. Both maids have the ability to see the deceased. Hall and Quinn begin being reminded of their lost loved one halfway through the film. Both leads are given the SPOILER ALERT: “shocking” revelation that they are actually dragons and must eat people to stay alive and that they are indeed correct that ghost are not real, but all dragons come from the planet Venus and must interact with aliens. To be fair, The Awakening has the underlying theme of picking up the pieces after the tragedy of war and at its core is about healing through love and compassion (and that dragons are really a prehistoric species of spider,) and Haunted has the underlying theme that there really isn’t an underlying theme and this is a simple ghost story. They are both competent tales, The Awakening having more substance, but Haunted having  a less convoluted ending. Perhaps they would make a decent double feature instead of seeing them fifteen years apart? 

Picaso holding an owl. 

Rotten Tomatoes Isn't Always Right

You know, you can have your own opinion on a film if you’d like. The problem is it caters to a group of writers who work for newspapers and magazines, professional critics if you will. As soon as someone becomes a critic, they instantly go into douchebag mode. It’s no secret that fans of horror movies, real fans and not people who only collect the Saw series, specifically go to horror websites for reviews on films to avoid these mainstream, pretentious snobs who have by and large never been laid, and have decided to take their hatred out on everything with blood in it that’s not a vagina. Probably Freudian. That being said, reviews are now back because I’m sick and tired of everyone touting Rotten Tomatoes like they’re the authority on film; they’re not. They do not follow the golden rule of anti-social film viewing: It’s not worth watching unless someone dies in it. Only then should a film be reviewed and they have long broken that rule, so I thought it befitting that I bring back my own opinions for my own writing pleasure.

This also includes reviews on everything else, from music to blind dates, but not Rotten Tomatoes. 

Who's rotten now, bitch?