Sunday, June 27, 2010

One-Star Reviews

If you’re like me and like saving money, and have realized that you will actually save more money by switching to Progressive, then you will shop Amazon. More often than not, Amazon is amazing in their deals. It is nothing to get something half off on there. Sure, people complain, but these are the same whiny bitches who make a waitress return their drink because they didn’t ask for ice.
Even cooler is the Super Saver Shipping. Most people don’t realize that Amazon, like every other fulfillment center, has a ship schedule. Orders come in, are processed, then shipped. Guess what? Unless you over-nighted it, that 2-day mailing choice you selected and paid a shit-ton more for will ship on one of two days, along with Super Saver Shipping. Might as well not pay for shipping; trust me.
But then come the reviews and the one thing about them I hate. Why is there always some cocksucker who rates something 1 star? Even more important, why is it always over the stupidest reason?
Here are a few examples:
Taken from a book review entitled On Writing Horror:
“This book is written very poorly. Editors and Publishers expect our work to be 10 or 12 font size, and double spaced. This book, I am not being sarcastic, but I can barely read the writing!!! If you like books that are written so small you can't even see the words; but this book!!! I have 20/20 vision to by the way, and it's just pitiful. Thanks for Nothing.”
Yeah, the foremost horror authors in the world can’t put together a book on writing horror. Thanks for pointing this out, genius. Also, I was confused on if the book, by your specifications, had to be double spaced, or just the manuscript. Maybe you’re the editor and you came a little bit too late to the dance. Finally, we get to your complaint; the size of the print. Well, I own this book, and while the writing is small, if you have 20/20 vision like you claim, you should have no trouble reading it. This dick rated the product 1 star, which is like saying it has no value because he is the only person with standard eyesight that can’t read it. I saw no examples whatsoever on how it was poorly written.
Taken from a product review entitled WD External HDD:
"Do not waste your money on this product. I ordered it a month ago and it has not arrived. UPDATE: Still waiting six weeks total.”
Amazon! Quickly! Fire the customer service rep that is not doing their job by reading every single review on your entire site to ensure every single order is processed. Are you fucking kidding me? You cannot be that stupid. Well, okay, you are. I wanted a fucking product review, not a review of your customer experience in dealing with Amazon’s shipping. UPDATE: You’re still fucking retarded. Call Customer Service to be told the same.
In the future, I hope you find this blog entry helpful when writing a product review. If you have five stars to rate, well hand them out based on enjoyment of the product. Don’t take all of them away because of one minor problem or your own stupidity. Well, I guess if you’re stupid you won’t realize it.

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