Those Extra Files in the Folder When You Pirate an Album

Its simple; I want a CD, I want it now, and luckily for me I could care less that I am stealing from some musician I would never pay money to listen to anyway. Music is like a drug, well, maybe an anti-inflammatory, one that when you want it, you want it, but you don’t really need it. Show of hands, how many people have ever purchased a CD to feel completely insulted by the lack of a good album? That one good song on the radio was the only good song, period. Remember the days where you had to purchase based on what the cover looked like? Man, that sucked.
With Napster came the greatest technology ever. Imagine the savings. You save time by not having to go to the store in rush hour traffic to buy the damn thing. You save gas, and potentially your life, because you could be in a car accident. Well, I guess something could fall on your house and kill you as you’re downloading, but that’s unlikely unless you live next to an airport or a mosque. If you’re smart and have a pair, you don’t waste your money and get ripped off by paying 99 cents a song. I don’t even want to question the logic of paying the same price for songs of varying length and varying quality, but rather I just want to know why when I download off some torrent site I always get these extra files that serve no fucking purpose that I can tell.
MSInfo files are the most annoying. I know, you’re saying they aren’t useless. Well, why when I click on it does it say “Windows is fucking stupid and should know by now to open this file in Notepad?” Why do I need all of the information about the CD that someone just stole off of Wikipedia anyway? SFV files are really pointless. Someone once explained that they are used to make sure files are not corrupted when you are compressing them. This means when you download off a torrent, unless the file is compressed it’s just debris left over by some lazy fucking up loader. What a fag. Then we have that text file that tells you where you downloaded it from, or who you downloaded it from. Look, if I don’t remember it, you’re doing something wrong and your quality probably sucks.

Bob Marley

Bob Marley had one thing going for him; he was the only reggae musician anyone knew by name (or has ever heard of aside from the Wailers, who, you guessed, played for Bob Marley.) Because of this, his face was plastered all over the place, and sometimes confused for Che Guevara, who shared a similar fortune, but was unfortunately shot to death and never got any money from his merchandise. Unlike Bob. But why is Marley so cool? Most people can only tell you the choruses from his songs. This is because they only listened to him while smoking weed with a friend who listened to Bob Marley. The friend, whose brain was about useless, only listened to Bob Marley because they could remember the choruses. It seems like a never ending cycle. It’s not. It’s really simple. It’s a sad existence when you get into music and only get famous for one song (Hip Hop). Even worse is when you get famous for a bunch of songs that all sound the same. My theory is that Marley was deaf and the Wailers were talentless hacks that worked at some Caribbean, reggae restaurant similar to Chuck E. Cheese, where they filled in playing only one song over and over whenever the robotic band malfunctioned. When they finally bought a back-up robotic band, they fired them, and as luck would have it, they worked the same corner as Bob. If you would for one minute stop trying to be cool (you weren’t and won’t be anyway,) you would actually hear the songs, which consist of the same basic melodies found in all reggae (one). Have I heard all of his songs? No, I just downloaded one and looped it for forty minutes. The effects were the same; I still hate Bob Marley.

One-Star Reviews

If you’re like me and like saving money, and have realized that you will actually save more money by switching to Progressive, then you will shop Amazon. More often than not, Amazon is amazing in their deals. It is nothing to get something half off on there. Sure, people complain, but these are the same whiny bitches who make a waitress return their drink because they didn’t ask for ice.

Even cooler is the Super Saver Shipping. Most people don’t realize that Amazon, like every other fulfillment center, has a ship schedule. Orders come in, are processed, then shipped. Guess what? Unless you over-nighted it, that 2-day mailing choice you selected and paid a shit-ton more for will ship on one of two days, along with Super Saver Shipping. Might as well not pay for shipping; trust me.

But then come the reviews and the one thing about them I hate. Why is there always some cocksucker who rates something 1 star? Even more important, why is it always over the stupidest reason?

Here are a few examples:

Taken from a book review entitled On Writing Horror:

“This book is written very poorly. Editors and Publishers expect our work to be 10 or 12 font size, and double spaced. This book, I am not being sarcastic, but I can barely read the writing!!! If you like books that are written so small you can't even see the words; but this book!!! I have 20/20 vision to by the way, and it's just pitiful. Thanks for Nothing.”

Yeah, the foremost horror authors in the world can’t put together a book on writing horror. Thanks for pointing this out, genius. Also, I was confused on if the book, by your specifications, had to be double spaced, or just the manuscript. Maybe you’re the editor and you came a little bit too late to the dance. Finally, we get to your complaint; the size of the print. Well, I own this book, and while the writing is small, if you have 20/20 vision like you claim, you should have no trouble reading it. This dick rated the product 1 star, which is like saying it has no value because he is the only person with standard eyesight that can’t read it. I saw no examples whatsoever on how it was poorly written.

Taken from a product review entitled WD External HDD:

"Do not waste your money on this product. I ordered it a month ago and it has not arrived. UPDATE: Still waiting six weeks total.”

Amazon! Quickly! Fire the customer service rep that is not doing their job by reading every single review on your entire site to ensure every single order is processed. Are you fucking kidding me? You cannot be that stupid. Well, okay, you are. I wanted a fucking product review, not a review of your customer experience in dealing with Amazon’s shipping. UPDATE: You’re still fucking retarded. Call Customer Service to be told the same.

In the future, I hope you find this blog entry helpful when writing a product review. If you have five stars to rate, well hand them out based on enjoyment of the product. Don’t take all of them away because of one minor problem or your own stupidity. Well, I guess if you’re stupid you won’t realize it.