Update: 2013

There are two possibilities currently for our existence. One, we are deceased, none of us having survived the end of the world, yet we go on under the illusion of survivors. Two, we, the anti-social, are together, albeit not together, as a loose knit pack of lone wolves that have survived the end times and exist among the souls of those who have fallen. It took more effort to write out option two, and no one likes hybrids of previous possibilities, so we’ll just stick with that. Twenty-eight countries, six continents, one club; we rule.

Those of you I have talked with have asked for a few things and it is time for me to answer some questions.

Will I be switching to Wordpress anytime soon?

No. I don’t want the hassle of having to worry about hosting and functionality when Blogger is still nice and simple, taking as little of my time as possible. Being anti-social requires a lot of doing nothing and the more I do and more I have to put up with, the angrier I get. Being as my blog is the outlet for my anger, it doesn’t make sense to switch. We are anti-social.

Will you be doing anything with other social networking sites?

I have and in case any of you are unaware, I now have a Pinterest account. Initially, it was also used for me to be a prick, but apparently the functionality of randomly sharing articles has grown on me. Expect not only more content, but a complete separation from the blog, since it serves a different purpose. The Pinterest account will be undergoing a name change in the coming weeks. If you’re wondering about Twitter or Tumblr or anything else, I usually don’t even think about them. I still find Twitter a bit insulting to true bloggers and Tumblr is more or less aimed at animated gifs and hipster crap; I don’t even own a Mac. We are anti-social. Anyone who has ADHD has no use for a Stumbleupon account. The Insanislupus Facebook profile sort of went against what Insanislupus and the Anti-social Club stood for. We are anti-social.

Is it Anti-Social Club or Anti-social Club? Grammar Nazis need to know.

It’s The Anti-social Club, but if you’re anti-social, why does it matter what I call it, how I say it, spell it, etc? We are anti-social.

Will I re-enable comments on my blog posts?

I’ve been giving this some thought, but honestly haven’t made the decision yet. The primary reason people want me to re-enable comments is because no one likes to email anymore. I get that, but at the same time, no one wants to go through the steps of commenting by logging in, or filling out a captcha, and the captcha has to be enabled to prevent bots. No one likes newbs that comment on every single post with one word praise. No one cares about likes, +1s, shares, etc. and those of our kind say what we want to say and do what we want to do because of who we are, not acceptance or some popularity contest. It’s great if we are in agreement, and perfectly fine if it is shared for the amusement of others, and better still if it is something that speaks for you, but it doesn’t really bother me if it never gets read. We are anti-social.

Will I be doing the 30 days of Thanksgiving again?

I’m sure most of you realized the entire thing was a mockery of the online trend, but I will be damned if those entries were not invigorating and didn’t help me get through a crappy month. Not only will I be revisiting next year, but I am about to begin 14 days of Love for February, including fourteen things I love. Don’t expect something like that every month, because that’s lame and tiresome. However, I plan on re-focusing the blog this year. We are anti-social.

I don’t feel like answering anymore and I don’t know why I ended every paragraph with “We are anti-social.”

The picture above is a picture of nothing.

You Will Spend 43 Days On Hold In Your Life

Unless you read my blog. Seriously, I was just on a Gremlin's website and that same headline popped up. I investigated and sure enough, a bunch of people in the comments section were giving their lame, privileged advice and passing the Grey Poupon. None of them know how to live. This is not acceptable to my readers. 

Action Plan Phase I:
What you do when they keep you on hold for more than a minute is hang up, call back and act irate like you were disconnected while put on hold. Anyone who tells you they have worked the phones before and they know this trick and put people on hold even longer are probably lying and you should unfriend them now. However, if you do run into this in real life...

Action Plan Phase II:
If they put you on hold again and have the audacity to treat you like you simply hung up and pretended to be disconnected, repeat phase I, except this time ask the person you're speaking with for their name, tell them you have been disconnected twice, and that if they cannot properly handle your call you want to speak to whoever is in charge. People in the industry say that the customer "is" or "has become" escalated, which makes no sense and I'm still confused why they say it, but they do, and now you've involved two people with your call, one of which you know by name, and who doesn't want to be reprimanded for the first twat that put you on hold, disconnecting you in the process. I've never used this next one, but you may not be as experienced as me when becoming escalated. 

Action Plan Phase III: 
They actually put you on hold again after you have told them repeatedly you are a charter member of the Anti-Social Club and have lunch with Insanislupus once a week. In their defense, they've probably dated me. In yours, you rule by proxy, so this is not acceptable. Ask the person you're speaking with's name, and then explain that you have been disconnected three times for one inquiry, more times than you have been disconnected in your entire life, and that you called and got a hold of (last person's name). Regardless of if they like or dislike the person you name-dropped, they will be more inclined to help you to either cover for them, or make them look even more incompetent. Demand to speak to someone in charge, explaining repeatedly that it is not acceptable to treat a loyal customer of ten days like this. Ideally, the customer service rep will agree with you and directly take your call to satisfy your needs. If not, then repeatedly demand to speak to their supervisor or manager until they cave, at which point, you get all of them in trouble, including John (the first person you never actually remembered the name of) and you should be enjoying yourself at this point so all of it was worth it. 

"Good afternoon, this is John, and not only am

 I a customer service representative, but I'm also

 a charter member of the Anti-Social Club, which 

pretty much means you better come up with an

 Action Plan Phase IV; I rule." 

No One Cares Your Kids Were Shot

Everyone was horrified when twenty kids were mowed down in Newtown, Connecticut, and the media was happy to increase their ratings with up to the minute coverage that obviously didn't include staff editors.  I know, you’re thinking it’s horrible I’m making light of an American tragedy, but what about the other kids that were killed in school shootings in 2012? That’s right, you probably never heard about them. Two incidents in 2012, one involving seven victims, the other involving three, apparently barely registered with anyone because either the victims were too old for anyone to care, or there just weren't enough of them to proudly display as a news headline. What about the seven adults who died in Newtown? What about the fifteen other people injured in  attacks? Or the four gunmen who committed suicide? There is no difference between kids and teenagers, or even adults, when it comes to losing their life. Do you seriously think people who lose a twenty-year-old thank God it wasn't their nine-year-old? No, because they actually lost someone, and it was more important than some passing news story everyone jumped on like a retarded poodle in order to share empathy disguised as sympathy and feel vindicated after expressing your beliefs about gun-control, something you more than likely never cared about until it was cool. I just want to congratulate everyone for ensuring that someone else with mental problems will attempt to gain fame and outdo the new school shooting record next time, thanks to the news and fake people with no care in the world outside of political agendas. Yes, I know the school massacre record is actually forty-three, not including the killer, because I actually care enough about tragedy to have a sense of history, and history says no one cares unless it’s a lot of victims, and even then, only for a short while. 

A retarded poodle watches Obama's inauguration. 

Bring On the RFID Chip

In case you live in a country that doesn't read my blog, rapid-frequency identification chips are what every conspiracy theorists and paranoid schizophrenic worries the government will force us to use as a form of identification. It is even somewhere in the Book of Revelations where it talks about not being able to buy and sell because they don’t have the mark of the beast. Normally, I would admit that the government could misuse this and track down where I write my blog, attempting to prevent me from “starting” an international coalition of anti-social sleeper cells made up of disenfranchised hate bloggers across the globe. But I actually like living here and so far have shown little resistance aside from pointing out all the asinine things people do. Now looking through my wallet reveals 4 debit cards, 3 credit cards, and 1 health spending account card, all used for purchases. This doesn't include my driver’s license, car insurance card, medical insurance card, dental insurance card, university ID, or any of the half dozen store membership cards I carry. Thank God I never use cash.

This obvious annoyance would go away forever if we could simply wave our hand to make a purchase instead of rummaging through your wallet for a five minutes. If a cop wants your ID, give him a quick middle finger, which allows him to scan your chip and reveal you are not wanted for armed robbery or sex with minors, and that you just purchased 12 rolls of Bounty Paper Towels an hour ago. But he will never know why and that’s good enough for me. The government doesn't go after people for intent, unless they intend to be terrorists. Sure, there have been cases where people were sent to Guantanamo for looking like one, but they probably were secretly planning something anyway; it’s in the eyes. All I know is my back hurts from sitting on that wallet, which is why I never sit on my wallet. I also forget the damn thing sometimes. If I had an RFID chip, my problems would be solved. Who’s with me?   

RFID chips cannot catalog everything in a women's purse. 

Yet.

I Haven't Seen Your Pet

Nothing pisses me off more than the idiots who keep posting these Hurricane Sandy missing pet posters all over the social networks. Oh, you're missing your cat in New Jersey? Well, you're in luck! The hurricane winds picked them up and landed them safely into my loving arms, in Kentucky. It's a miracle. I'll ship them back in the mail. I get it that you might have friends in those cities, but wouldn't it be way cooler to the 99% of your friends who don't live there to not waste their time advertising an animal they will never find? We all love pets and everyone likes to be reunited with a lost one, but I personally think if it winds up several states away, it was trying to escape, so leave it the hell alone. 

Here's Johnny!