Unless you read my blog. Seriously, I was just on a Gremlin's website and that same headline popped up. I investigated and sure enough, a bunch of people in the comments section were giving their lame, privileged advice and passing the Grey Poupon. None of them know how to live. This is not acceptable to my readers.
Action Plan Phase I:
What you do when they keep you on hold for more than a minute is hang up, call back and act irate like you were disconnected while put on hold. Anyone who tells you they have worked the phones before and they know this trick and put people on hold even longer are probably lying and you should unfriend them now. However, if you do run into this in real life...
Action Plan Phase II:
If they put you on hold again and have the audacity to treat you like you simply hung up and pretended to be disconnected, repeat phase I, except this time ask the person you're speaking with for their name, tell them you have been disconnected twice, and that if they cannot properly handle your call you want to speak to whoever is in charge. People in the industry say that the customer "is" or "has become" escalated, which makes no sense and I'm still confused why they say it, but they do, and now you've involved two people with your call, one of which you know by name, and who doesn't want to be reprimanded for the first twat that put you on hold, disconnecting you in the process. I've never used this next one, but you may not be as experienced as me when becoming escalated.
Action Plan Phase III:
They actually put you on hold again after you have told them repeatedly you are a charter member of the Anti-Social Club and have lunch with Insanislupus once a week. In their defense, they've probably dated me. In yours, you rule by proxy, so this is not acceptable. Ask the person you're speaking with's name, and then explain that you have been disconnected three times for one inquiry, more times than you have been disconnected in your entire life, and that you called and got a hold of (last person's name). Regardless of if they like or dislike the person you name-dropped, they will be more inclined to help you to either cover for them, or make them look even more incompetent. Demand to speak to someone in charge, explaining repeatedly that it is not acceptable to treat a loyal customer of ten days like this. Ideally, the customer service rep will agree with you and directly take your call to satisfy your needs. If not, then repeatedly demand to speak to their supervisor or manager until they cave, at which point, you get all of them in trouble, including John (the first person you never actually remembered the name of) and you should be enjoying yourself at this point so all of it was worth it.
"Good afternoon, this is John, and not only am
I a customer service representative, but I'm also
a charter member of the Anti-Social Club, which
pretty much means you better come up with an
Action Plan Phase IV; I rule."