I can empathize with having a rough day at work (we’ve all
been there,) going home and unwinding in front of the tube with a beer (there,
too,) and finding nothing on (there is no God!) We flip through the channels,
repeatedly, until finally deciding on something we will practically ignore. It
beats suicide, except when I don’t like you. But unless you don’t have cable
and are stuck with the same four channels on your black-and-white, turn-knob
television, there is no excuse for watching the 2012 Summer Olympics.
Don’t be a dumbass. What Olympic sports do you actually
like? You get a pass if it’s a sport you actually play, played, had friends and
relatives that do, or always wanted to, but realized you sucked at it, so
decided to give it up before you started. In fact, the only person I have ever
known that could play every Olympic sport is none other than Willie Lomax, the
humble and wise sage who hangs out at Blank’s Pharmacy in Covington, handing
out words of wisdom and offering to sell watches, made from his own
(discredited) gold medals, at the discounted price of $2. If only he was still eligible. If only.
Outside of that, there’s no excuse to tune in to all the
other sports you don’t like and honestly, you’re giving ratings to something
that is interrupting your regularly scheduled broadcast. On a side note,
domestic abuse goes up whenever the Olympics are on because people cannot tune
into their favorite shows. Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but if
you want to keep complaining about having to watch the Olympics, stop ensuring
it’s return every four years.