Saturday, July 28, 2012

Sunglasses


Sunglasses don't make you cool, except maybe one person and that was for a music video. Guess what? You're not them and it's not the 80's. Grow up and get a life. It's not the shades themselves, but the way the person acts when wearing them.

Record a friend of yours without for about fifteen minutes and then record them with. Did you notice the change? How could you not? They move from average Joe to a cross between Günther and the Terminator. Let me correct myself; Günther and the T-101 look awesome in sunglasses, each capturing one aspect of awesomeness. Günther is cool and suave; the T-101 is tough and deadly. You look like a douche trying to be all of the above. Your movements switch between a famous entertainer to looking for Sarah Connor, only it's obvious you're pretending and no one is impressed. Below are a few rules to help you improve.

Be wary of these pitfalls that are only okay in specific situations:
                On your forehead if your hands are full.
                On the tip of your nose if you're trying to see better. 
                On your collar if you're done wearing them.
                On a cord around your neck if you play baseball.

It is okay to wear sunglasses inside when:
                You just came from outside and your eyes are adjusting.
                It is exceptionally bright, like at a sporting event.             
                Your significant other beats you.
                You are hung over.
                You are blind.

It is okay to wear sunglasses at night when:
                You keep getting blinded by headlights and streetlights.
                You have a legit medical condition that requires them.
                You're going to assault your significant other.
                You are Corey Hart.
                You are blind.

Also, everyone can tell when you're staring at them with the damn things on. Not only is your head perfectly aligned with their line of sight, the darkness of the lenses lessens when light is coming from the other side. You're not slick and it's still rude. Stop it. 

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