Sunglasses don't make you cool, except maybe one person and
that was for a music video. Guess what? You're not them and it's not the 80's.
Grow up and get a life. It's not the shades themselves, but the way the person acts
when wearing them.
Record a friend of yours without for about fifteen minutes and
then record them with. Did you notice the change? How could you not? They move
from average Joe to a cross between Günther and the Terminator. Let me correct
myself; Günther and the T-101 look awesome in sunglasses, each capturing one
aspect of awesomeness. Günther is cool and suave; the T-101 is tough and
deadly. You look like a douche trying to be all of the above. Your movements
switch between a famous entertainer to looking for Sarah Connor, only it's
obvious you're pretending and no one is impressed. Below are a few rules to
help you improve.
Be wary of these pitfalls that are only okay in specific
situations:
On your
forehead if your hands are full.
On the
tip of your nose if you're trying to see better.
On your
collar if you're done wearing them.
On a
cord around your neck if you play baseball.
It is okay to wear sunglasses inside when:
You
just came from outside and your eyes are adjusting.
It is
exceptionally bright, like at a sporting event.
Your
significant other beats you.
You are
hung over.
You are
blind.
It is okay to wear sunglasses at night when:
You
keep getting blinded by headlights and streetlights.
You
have a legit medical condition that requires them.
You're
going to assault your significant other.
You are
Corey Hart.
You are
blind.
Also, everyone can tell when you're staring at them with the
damn things on. Not only is your head perfectly aligned with their line of
sight, the darkness of the lenses lessens when light is coming from the other
side. You're not slick and it's still rude. Stop it.