Stop Making Up Stories On the Internet

...or Stop Sharing Made Up Stories On the Internet. 

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he wasn't Kevin Spacey." —Keyser Söze

A little story:

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed a group of homophobic, Jewish, Republicans from Texas physically assaulting a gay, atheist, Democrat (with tattoos and piercings as well as a 3.9 GPA in economics.) I just simply couldn't stand by like the rest of humanity and watch this poor man be treated like that, so I decided to make a stand. Together we defeated all of the homophobic, Jewish, Republican, rapist, space invaders, pretending to be from Texas. It turns out that the person they were actually beating on was my long lost sweetheart from high school and we quickly went and got married; she's now expecting and our courageous deeds have saved mankind for another one-thousand years.

The moral of this story is I spin wildly retarded tales on the internet to make me and the morons who think like me feel less guilty for being insignificant in a world where they only support the call for change while behind their IP addresses. And people will share them.

If you have not seen stories as ridiculous as this on the internet, consider yourself lucky (unless you are blind and your seeing eye dog is reading this to you.) Sadly, I am not making this formula up or the fact that people constantly share this crap out of their perceived empathy.

These stories are so obviously bullshit because there is no way you can tell that much information about people by simply looking at them. Have you ever heard a cop call dispatch for an APB looking for a white male in his 40's that plays Magic the Gathering and drinks Corona every Saturday night? No, because this information isn't readily available and it's all information you couldn't possibly guess without having a conversation with someone. I have no clue what religion someone is (and don't care) unless they're repenting the following morning. Believe it or not, you work with people of different religious, political, cultural, social, psychological, astronomical, necronomical beliefs than you and you'll probably never know what theirs are, because they have no reason to tell you (and if you did and yours were different, they would assault you.)