The Crow (1994)

Want a review of the film, then head over to For It Is Man's Number to get a proper dose of one. But The Crow, to me, was an exaggeration of the cold, harsh reality, we live in. I saw this film when it came out and I was still in high school. Almost three years earlier, I myself was assaulted, with an attempt on my life. The experience was nothing short of horrific, since I had never experienced anything so violent and unnecessary. I had done nothing wrong, aside from being in a public place that someone who had a hankering for random attacks decided I didn't need to be in. Unfortunately for those involved, I could not, and still cannot, be killed. They learned that lesson after their attempts to cave my skull in failed and I was still standing, getting ready to turn around and rip their faces off. (In reality, I was walking alongside a railing, and upon the head trauma, I grabbed a strong hold on it, briefly blacked out for a split second, and instantly went into shock, unsure of what had just happened, where I was, who I was, etc.) My attackers ran and my parents made the decision for me to go the legal route and having my day in court, which I did, but not to my content.

Brandon Lee represented the worst case scenario of what could have happened to me personally, on screen, and off, when he died. Had I been born of a weaker genetic disposition, I probably wouldn't have lived through my ordeal. Just one lethal blow to the back of my head was all it would take for most, and all it took for Lee to meet his demise in the real world. Of course, The Crow couldn't care less about himself, especially since he was now invulnerable, and got to be judge, jury, and executioner, dealing out justice to the wrongdoers. I wanted to be that, and I doubt, had I had worse parents, I would have had any restraint in pursuing that goal as I aged. I know that in this day and age I would do the same for someone I loved when the law fails. Bloodthirsty, sure, but as this movie and the circumstances around it show, life is not fair. 

For some things, there is no forgiveness. 

You Can No Longer Say Retarded, And That's Retarded

It was recently pointed out to me, via a group on Facebook, that you're not supposed to use the word Retarded, apparently at all. The word was even used in reference to animals, not people, yet still someone got bent out of shape about it. I'm sure they were the over-sensitive, over-privileged, type that honestly believe they have some inherent right not to be offended, but I even pointed out that I referenced retarded animals, and not people, let alone anyone specific, yet my comments were still deleted by an administrator, which means that not just one, but two people were apparently offended. 

Retarded is defined by Google as less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one's age, so it's a real word without a disclaimer that it's considered pejorative. However, Wikipedia claims that the word is used less often now (because people are too sensitive) and that it is being replaced by words like special and challenged. My question is, what's so special about being retarded, and isn't challenged insulting, more so than the word retarded? Even the American Association on Mental Retardation didn't change their name because it offended people (they did so because they work with a lot of people who are not mentally retarded.) 

The definition of retarded hasn't changed, but apparently everyone wants to sit somewhere on the fringes of being offended because it's cool. I imagine these people get highly upset when DNA tests reveal they have no minority ancestry, but that's just speculation. If I would have referenced special dogs, or challenged dogs, I doubt my point would have gotten across and probably caused confusion instead. I give it another thousand years before we can only use five words from the English language without offending someone. 

This dog is no longer challenged.

It Could Just Be An Animal

I don't know how many television shows I've seen that have captured the banshee's wail. It's a horrifying scream heard in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and no immediate location, and worst of all it means you're going to die soon. But in reality it's the red fox, which not only makes a blood curdling cry, but a horrific face to match. I was in my late twenties the first time I heard one, so I don't fault someone for not realizing that a nocturnal mammal in the woods makes the sound of wailing death, especially since most people will never hear it in their lives. Raccoons also make weird noises. Most of them I can't really describe in words, but they also growl, and some even sound like those dwarves off of those Phantasm movies and can scare the crap out of you when they come out of nowhere. When you're in the wilderness, you're in their territory, and most animals will freeze in their tracks as you walk right past them, oblivious they are even there, and especially at night. That's why you never see them, including full-grown deer, or bigfoot, when you're walking a trail after the witching hour. It's unforgivable when people take these sounds to wilderness "experts" who have never heard of it, well, unless it's Sasquatch howls, or some other noise no one knows for sure that they are. 

Some of these noises can invade the home as well. I'm not suggesting that everything you hear in your home is a Mothman, but mice will mimic a lot of things people report. Things being knocked over in the middle of the night, things vanishing, etc. Mice can be very noisy in their hunt for food. If it is light enough, they'll run off with things like candy bars, and often make a lot of noise doing it. Their communication can sound like whispers, because your ears barely hear it and then the brain tries to find some pattern in it, until it convinces you someone was whispering your name. They can be lightning quick, too, so if you see something out of the corner of your eye, chances are, they're the cause. And unless you trained them to not get on furniture, they can climb, too. Luckily, they tend to shit a lot, especially on the floor against the wall which makes them easy to detect. Domestic cats aren't the best at rodent eradication these days, so don't use their presence as your evidence you don't have mice. Of course, it could be other animals in your house as well, so don't forget to rule them out before you assume you have some type of haunting. 

  The fox says you're going to die.

Steel Mill - Summer's Child

I caught a lot of shit for just posting a video last Friday and not elaborating on it. Well, I thought the song could speak for itself. It was a 1969 Danish psych rock song that has these amazing lyrics backed up by just as amazing music, and since it's not American or British, no one cares, so I didn't have much to say. 
This time, I bring to you a song from the British band, Steel Mill. You would be correct in thinking that Bruce Springsteen played for a band with the same name. But he went on to be a legendary performer that everyone knows everything about. The British band on the other hand, despite putting out a solid debut album, first released in Germany, that landed them with opening opportunities for David Bowie and T-Rex, was never heard from again. In fact, the very liner notes of their reissue asked anyone with information to come forward. Luckily, the band did resurface once they realized they were owed royalties by someone releasing their music without their permission. They recorded a handful of new tracks, but then nothing was heard from them again. 

Disproving Vegetarianism In One Word

Disproving that something isn't natural or what we're meant to be doing as a species can sometimes be a lot of work, take decades, and require some of the most brilliant minds to come to the conclusion, only to have politicians without any brains at all interfere in any action plan. But I like meat and feel it's very important, especially animal fats for your brain. I'm not a weirdo that abstains from all fruits and vegetables, or believes we should pretend society doesn't exist and go off to live in a cave, but I do think anyone who seriously thinks people should only eat vegetables and that it is some sort of undiscovered abomination to eat an animal is way off their rocker. The magic word here is none other than WINTER. Below is a picture of the fruits and vegetables that grow in it. 

  Who needs growing cycles when snow

 is both a fruit and vegetable? 

Solomon Northup

Normally when people hype a movie I go and see it only to have my high expectations dashed against the rocks and covered in waves of salty water, further aggravating my wounds. Well, I have grown used to waiting for long periods so as not to be biased, and with '12 Years a Slave' I was very impressed and agree with the awards it won. Being impressed with and having enjoyed the movie so much, I naturally wanted to know the ultimate demise of the lead character. 

I read a few articles, which you can Google yourself, but apparently no one really knows what happened to Solomon Northup after he reunited with his family, helped the underground railroad, and went on speaking engagements. His house was supposedly foreclosed on, and there is one article that said he became a vagabond, but the actual reality is that no one knows and probably never will. 

I have submitted my theory that he may have been the one who traveled to an undisclosed location in South America to establish a colony for people who wished to disappear. Or maybe it was already established and he took on a position there? I suspect both Amelia Earhart and Ambrose Bierce know. 

Solomon Northup

Ambrose Bierce

Amelia Earhart

List of People Who Disappeared Mysteriously

My Country Is Better Than Yours

I like patriotism and think everyone should be proud of where they are from. Well, unless you were born during Nazi Germany or something. I also get the competitiveness between nations, which is why we have the Olympics and wars and things like that. But I get sick and tired of seeing articles about how one country compares to another in some dick-measuring contest. 

First off, you have these articles that say things like, Americans were asked to identify countries in Europe, followed by a bunch of juvenile jackasses who are looking forward to being funny, not right. Regardless, this isn't a measure of intelligence, it's a measure of the education of the participants. All 12 of them. 

Second, you have these articles that say things like, 90% of Europeans can't identify the individual states of America. What a bunch of dumbasses to not be able to identify the states on a map of a country they've probably never been to, probably will never go to, and probably don't give two shits about as a nation, and there's only 50 states, so everyone should be able to know them at the drop of a dime. 

Third, why are you using these articles as a reason to bash someone's intelligence, when they're obviously written by someone who really isn't that intelligent to begin with, since I dismissed all of their claims in a few paragraphs? It's entertainment, people, not facts. There are dumb people in all walks of life. Only some of them are smart enough to read my blog. 

Someone probably thinks you are.

RIP Dave Brockie

"I should give a shit, but I don't give a fuck." -Oderus Urungus

I remember buying Scumdogs of the Universe by GWAR on cassette and my mother being cool enough to let me play it in the car. Not long after, I remember paying top dollar for a cassette of Hell-O, their first album. I think it was in 1992 when I went to a GWAR concert. It was my first and I had the unexpected pleasure of meeting front-man, Dave Brockie, unknowingly. 

For as crappy a town Cincinnati was entertainment wise, Clifton/Coreyville always had cool concerts and this was the only place to go to see them and enjoy the area around you. When you went to Bogart's you usually went early to avoid the long lines at the doors that usually went all the way around the block. You would eat at Subway, because it was fast and cheap and at the time actually served good food. They had a cool record store called Wizard's Cave on the hill that had the more obscure bands you couldn't find anywhere else. They also had the Cupboard, which functioned as a sex shop and a head shop all in one. Then there was Stone Mountain, a hippie store that had cool black-light posters up the winding stairs and down a long, dark hall, before opening into a large room of incense, clothing, and everything else you could find in the late 60's/early 70's. Then there was Jupiter's, a space-themed arcade you could get lost in. 

I remember Mortal Kombat having this long line of over two dozen people waiting to play. You got one quarter and when you got beat, you left the line. There was this kid a little older than me, maybe 16, who had been beating and trash talking everyone. He was beaten by the shirtless, tattooed guy in front of me and pissed he had to leave the line. I was next and selected Raiden against Sub Zero. No one had any clue what buttons did what, but the game was amazing. We smiled as we furiously pounded buttons, but I had my ass handed to me. "This is pretty cool," he said as we started the second match. "Yeah," I agreed, after a quick series of buttons that released all kinds of badass lightning that gave me the next win. The third and final match was more evenly split and we almost ran out of time, before he finally froze me and did some lame kick and punch combo, before we heard the magic words, "Finish him!" Of course, no one knew how to do fatalities, so we were robbed of that. "Good game," he said and game me a fist bump as I walked to the concert next door without shame. 

After sitting through a crappy surf-type band whose greatest feature was the two female dancers they had in bikinis, GWAR took the stage. It was instantly amazing to see these absurd metal guys blaring away and acting ridiculous. Even more so to make eye contact with the scantily clad, maggot-faced, lead singer Oderus Urungus who had an amazing stage presence and commanding voice. Then he turned and I instantly noticed his tattoos. I had just seen them about an hour earlier. I held the distinction of having a single win over the overlord from Scumdogia. David Murray Brockie was unfortunately found dead yesterday in his home. He was 50 years old. 

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian on Vogue

In the media, whatever viewers like gets the most coverage. At least that's part of it. The other part is that whatever the viewers hate gets the most coverage. But you don't have to put up with it. You can simply turn it off, not read it, look away, turn the other cheek, etc. You don't. Instead you go on a tirade in protest, one that no one but your friends will hear. Unfortunately, I am sometimes that friend and you are forcing me to either no longer be friends with you or put up with more news about subjects I don't care about.
But what pisses me off the most about the whole KardWest thing is that I don't read vogue and don't know anyone who does, yet everyone is all bent out of shape about who is on the cover. If it was Fred Phelps, by all means, protest, but it's two "entertainers" who I imagine wear the latest and most expensive fashions.
Kanye's first album was a decent debut. Nothing to write home about, but thanks to endorsements, he got big and then became competitive with his own ego, constantly playing a game of one-upmanship, and then made remarks against the president to solidify his name in the media. Kim was rich by proxy; next. These people are famous because you made them famous, so stop complaining when they're on the cover of a magazine that you don't even read.

 More interesting magazine than Vogue.

Sleep Demons

You wake up from sleeping and you can't breath. Something is holding you down and you cannot move. There is a great weight on your chest. You hear things, maybe footsteps, or scratching, or buzzing, and maybe you see things, like dark shadows, or figures with menacing, glowing eyes, or aliens. You're scared and you're going to die. 

And then a about a minute later you're fine. It was a dream; or maybe it wasn't a dream? You don't know. You also might not know about a medical condition called sleep paralysis. It often accompanies other sleep disorders, such as narcolepsy, apnea, etc. If you've had an episode anything like any of the events in the top paragraph here, you should consult your physician, who will then refer you to a sleep specialist, who will then probably automatically try and get you diagnosed with sleep apnea, even if you don't have it. That aside, it's bullshit for these paranormal groups and TV shows to try and pass this off as paranormal. I don't know how many times I see people retelling their accounts of nocturnal visitors and attacks, without a single person letting them know it's just sleep paralysis and they may or may not have another health issue causing it. Ratings are more important, I guess.

Go back to sleep.

Burnin' Red Ivanhoe - Sensitive Plant

First Day of Spring

If you haven't been living in the Midwest, well, this doesn't apply much to you. I know people in other climes endure harsher winters, but that's there fault for not moving. Here where I live, we have no problem with the seasons until they overstay their welcome. I was born in a blizzard and there has apparently only been one year between then and now that has had more snow than this past one, and I'm happy to report that the entire season has been slain. Dear Winter, fuck off.

PSP UMD Movies

I once had a friend that was going to sell a Playstation Portable, no games, but the move 28 Days Later was included. I think it was around a hundred bucks total, and this was in 2007 so it was probably a good deal. I thought to myself, man, that would be cool to have one of those just so I could watch movies or listen to music, and maybe even play a few games here and there. I decided against it, which I don't regret, but recently I've noticed a lot of these UMD movies pop up for under $5. Not a bad deal. Just looking up PSP Horror on eBay yields over 300 results, and most of them are different films. What was so cool about the PSP and the movies it had was that they were mostly contemporary, with very few classics. Sure, that might be an odd endorsement, but as a kid, I grew up on the films that were coming out at the time, not the ones before I was born. Sure, you have region encoding and all that other crap those bastards try to do to prevent you from enjoying something, but regardless, it's an impressive list and surprisingly lasted from 2005 to 2011. Check the Amazon UK link for the Harry Potter series, and then make sure you look at how many 1-Star idiots ordered it thinking it was a different format. 

List of Titles
Harry Potter

Brick and Mortar

I keep hearing people say they only shop at brick and mortar stores (instead of online) and then providing the lamest, most hipster reasons for doing so. Some people, I'm sure, are only saying it to appear cool. Others might be doing it because they don't have a credit card or fear the government is watching, both valid reasons. Then there are those people who seriously think that by shopping online they are eliminating the actual stores. This is dumb. 
In 2005, half of the developed world was using this thing called the internet. On this internet, they had shopping. People could purchase things and have them shipped to their homes. It was amazing. As a result, every single store in the world closed and now you can only shop online. Oh, wait, no, that never fucking happened. What did happen was a huge change in competition and the overall retail climate. Sure, a lot of business refused to adapt and went out of business. That was their own fault. But the ones that are still around did and you can order their products online today. 
I get that it's cool to boycott a large corporation, such as Wal-mart, or Amazon. But when you refuse to shop online, you're hurting a legitimate leg of business for most shops. How many small businesses have an Amazon store now? Hell, every Goodwill in each state apparently has one up and running. Record stores, book stores, drug stores, etc. all have them and you're too busy living in 2004 to notice. Good job. Keep fighting the good fight against brick and mortar's global reach. 

In my day, we had to use the internet 

in ten feet of snow, uphill, both ways. 

Cheap Thrills (2013)

If you like comedies of the darker variety, I can't recommend this film enough. Any working class person ca identify with Craig, a man trying to support his family, but constantly hitting road blocks that prevent it. Any low-life can appreciate Vince, the slacker who gets by doing whatever he can without ever making much of himself. All rich people will enjoy the couple, Colin and Violet, because they're so rich they can make people do anything for money.
That's the basic plot. Friends from high school, Craig and Vince reunite in a bar when the former is down on his luck. A rich couple keeps giving them money for accepting dares, until they eventually make their way back to Colin and Violets where the games get more intense, more competitive, and downright nasty. Obviously, the ending is absolute gold and I cannot spoil it for you, but this film moves so fast you won't feel your time is wasted so go see it now.

Yawning Is Paranormal

Every time they do a study on yawning and why we yawn, the reasons change. In case you never bothered to read up on the subject, scientists have never been able to figure out why we yawn, or why yawning is contagious. You might be thinking, oh, we yawn because we don't have enough oxygen going to our brain, and you'd be wrong. To date, they have no reasonable explanation and no empirical evidence on why we do it or why it is contagious. 
Contagious yawning was thought to be an evolutionary indication of our empathy towards each other. Hell, even dogs share our contagious yawning. Unfortunately, recent studies have found too many things offsetting it, such as contagious yawning decreasing as we age and not having anything to do with how tired someone is. 
I just wanted you to know where your tax dollars are going and since it's outside of scientific explanation, well, it fits in the category of the paranormal. 

A haunted pig.

Ghostly Happenings of the Believed

These three events are true, with only the names of the not-so-innocent changed. I've repeatedly said that the most convincing evidence for "ghosts" (at least to yourself) is when someone else is involved and experiences the same thing. Since returning to the house on Pike, I've had three incidents each involving a different person. They will briefly be outline below, and their authenticity is marked by them not being over-dramatized; they're not really that entertaining. 

The first one involved the remote keypad for my automobile. While watching a film in the front room downstairs with my girlfriend at the time, Nina. Don't remember the film, but it was boring and we started fooling around. It was nighttime, and in mid-action a long, yellow light went across the ceiling. She, being on her back, noticed it first. She brought it to my attention, and then I noticed it as well. I eventually realized it was a yellow light coming in from the tops of the curtains. They were closed, but they stuck out about three inches from the windows around the curtain rods. I got up, went to look out the window, and noticed it was my car lights flashing, just like when someone locks them from the remote keypad. My neighbor, Jorge, was outside and kept staring at my car, probably assuming someone was sitting on the keypad. However, it was sitting on the table and I assume maybe the button was stuck. I went to check it, but the keys were find. The lights stopped. It freaked Nina out a great deal, but I assured her, someone else in the neighborhood had a similar car and it could potentially be them having the same code programmed. I called the dealership where I purchased my vehicle and they informed me that the keypads were programmed at a separate facility and that it would be impossible for someone to have the same code as me, since it's deleted out of the database upon being programmed in order to eliminate duplicates, and even if that step had been skipped, it would still be extremely unlikely, since the cars go all over the country from the same facility. He suggested it might be an electrical short somewhere and that I should bring the vehicle in. Being as I wasn't about to waste money for them to pretend they found something, I didn't. The incident never happened again, so I chalked it up to solar flares. 

The second one involved the hallway light. It's a two-way switch, nothing fancy, but it's wired wrong and when you turn it off upstairs, you can't turn it on downstairs, and vice-versa. This time we were upstairs in the front bedroom, Pinta and I. The lights were out, except for the one in the hall, and we were laying in bed, ironically watching a film with ghosts as a plot. About midway through, I decided it was time to fool around. The film was not boring, but I'm a man with priorities. We heard a clicking noise in the hallway and the light went out. She looked at me and I gave her a spooked look, before smiling and telling her the hallway light had blown and that I would change it after the film. After the film, I walked in the hallway and for once remembered to flick the light switch to the off position in order to not be blinded when I changed the bulb. Only problem was the light came on instead, which means it had to have been turned off at that switch. Apparently that wasn't the first time that had happened. Years earlier when my sister moved in with my parents there, the light in the bedroom we were in at the time apparently was turned off at the switch. Still, that was a first time for me and it has since not happened again, so I chalked it up to escape convicts breaking in the house, silently climbing the stairs, and turning the light off, only to escape back down the steps quietly and go back to their cells before being reported. 

The third involved a mysterious alarm that filled the entire house. I have a confession to make; the only alarm I use is a .38 Special revolver. It works by knocking you to the ground in agonizing pain upon illegal entry into my home. Well, one evening we were in the front bedroom again. This time it was me and Santa Maria. She had a long day at work and I convinced her to take her shirt off and let me give her a back rub. Mid-rub, this loud, constant, and annoying ringing noise lets out. Having recently installed a water heater, I assumed maybe something was on fire and I better investigate. I ran into the living room, where the noise was loud, but can't find anything. The kitchen was not as loud, but I decided to go downstairs and check the hot water heater and see if maybe something in the house has an alarm that I'm not aware of. Nothing. Back upstairs into the living room, where I was almost certain the noise was coming from, I wondered if it wasn't actually coming from next door and Jorge's new alarm was bad ass, but then the noise started to die down some and in the corner, amidst a bunch of my nephew's old toys was this small, kid-friendly metal-detector. I picked it up and sure enough, that's what was making the noise.  I turned it off. Here's where it's weird. I was shocked the batteries in the damn thing even still worked, since no one had lived in the house for a few years and who knew how long ti had been used before then? What was peculiar, was that when you turn the switch all the way up, it basically is so sensitive it detects itself. That's the setting it was on. What was stranger was that in order to get the settings that high, you had to flick the switch three times. Plain and simple, the thing was turned on, by something. 

Those were the three events that made me throw my hands up in the air and give up skepticism. As a learned man, I can no longer pretend I have the answers if things like that will keep happening. Notice the events I have reported do not have talking spirits, or some strange quest to find buried treasure in my back yard?

Resurrection O Children

"A few minutes alone with me, darlin', and you'll be speaking in tongues." -Max Cadey

There is a certain religiousness to music. You have those people who can recite the words and know everything by heart but don't comprehend shit, and then you have those people that can feel the notes deep in their bones. I just so happen to be one of those unfortunate people, the holiest of the holy.

In 1969, a psych band named Aum, was lucky enough to be signed to a label by Bill Graham. The irony, I know, since they released a little known album called Resurrection. The titular track is downright amazing, especially since the band had a weird, pseudo-religious rebirth and then promptly broke up.

Channeling the same god of music in 2004, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds released the double album, Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus. Orpheus being the legendary musician who may have been killed by Zeus for revealing the secrets of the gods to men, and Nick Cave probably eventually being killed in the same manner by the same god for the same sin, the closing track, O' Children, is very similar in tone. 

This is how my brain works. 

Rape Insurance

I'm of the opinion that if you got knocked up because some type of birth control wasn't used then you should certainly have to pay the full burden for an abortion. Don't get me wrong, your insurance should cover all the other instances, like medical necessity, incest, rape, etc. But low and behold, people are already turning this into an "us-versus-them" debate. Don't be stupid. It's a medical procedure, one that most doctors have no problem administering, so why shouldn't insurance cover it? It's certainly not cosmetic.
But I have a better plan. If abortion is so wrong, then every politician should be arrested for the immeasurable number of living semen they have wasted. Imagine all of those little swimmers being blockaded by female contraception, or thinking they had a short swim when mistaking tonsils for ovaries. Those people should be charged with mass murder.

 Way worse than Hitler in his first term alone.

Highway Hi-Fi

Think your modified Android OS on your phone sucks because it only allows you to access Sprint's app store? Well, before it was cool, Chrysler did the same thing with proprietary, under-the-dash record players, in 1956. Yes, Chrysler, as in the car. Yes, record players, as in vinyl records. You might be thinking, wow, they had that technology back then and we don't even have it today. Well, it sucked back then and so far not enough hipsters buy Chrysler to get them to make them now. The biggest drawback for music fans was that some old fogey was deciding what music off of CBS' back catalog was available for purchase. If you wanted to listen to Aimee Mann's cover of One, you'd be shit out of luck today, but you could probably get that Margaritaville song. Also, automobiles are the only place I ever listen to CDs anymore, so let's not. Still, it was a cool idea and one they attempted again in the 60's, but while the music selection was better, the players were apparently worse. Hmm.

"Hey, little girl, wanna hear some Benny Goodman?"

Aimee Mann "One"
Highway Hi-Fi Wiki