Just kidding. You can’t buy it here or anywhere else and I’ll
now inform you why. As you may know or be feigning ignorance, I do not like
digital music over concern that the government is secretly tracking our music
listening habits so that they can force bands like Nickelback down our throats
as a form of punishment. The first album I ever independently listened to was
Black Sabbath’s Paranoid. I was a child of but 3 that snuck into the attic,
found an interesting looking album, put it on the old record player and fired
it up. I knew then what people meant when they called it the devil’s music, for
it was foreign to me, horrific even, for guitars and vocals should not have
sounded like that. But I was drawn in again and again, day after day,
continuing a little bit further through the tracks, until finally making it all
the way through. I would never be the same again. To me, it was my
Necronomicon, that forbidden volume I never should have found, handled, or
become obsessed with. I love you, Mom and Dad.
As a youth, I had those first eight albums, collected from parents,
aunts, uncles, and friends, in vinyl, and as a teenager, I had the first 8
albums in cassette, and the same 8 albums as an adult in CD, and I even once
downloaded the non-Osbourne albums in MP3. But eventually I bought the
remastered vinyl albums, one by one, preferring the imports over the Rhino
versions to further confuse Uncle Sam and whatever nickname they have for the
British government. Then Universal released the Limited Edition Black Sabbath:
The Vinyl Collection 1970-1978. It included the same albums I already owned,
plus the Live At Last album, plus the Evil Woman 7” (which I also already own),
but came with a really neat book of collected tour programs and obviously in an
awesome slip case. I placed my order on the first day, despite barely having
the money to buy it. I am American after all.
Almost a month later I get an email explaining to me that my
order has been cancelled due to no stock. I find this amazing since people who
ordered it days after me didn't have their order cancelled. Then just today I
got on the Black Sabbath Facebook page to see about 500 people complain about
not being able to buy the box set anywhere and just as many people complaining
about having their orders cancelled. Great job, Universal, by ruining the chance
to make three times the profit. You exist solely to make money, yet you hamper
your own ability to do so. As such, even if you put another edition of the box
set out, you will not get money from me over it. Kindly die.
This is not a sign of distress, but rather me hoping
all the blood goes to their head and they die.
