The only thing I hate more than everyone talking about
zombies on a daily basis are the ones who act like bacon was invented in 2012. “Bacon
is awesome!" No shit, dumbass, that's why we've been eating it all of our
lives. I'm glad you could take five minutes away from sipping your non-dairy,
organic latte to tell me everything tastes better with bacon. Where the hell
you think we've been getting the lard we cook with? Not Starbucks. This
"poverty" food has been a staple of southern kitchens since before
there was a southern United States. Okay, that last part might not be true, but
did you know bacon was creating equality before rabid, lesbian feminists
marched on Washington, D.C.? Wiki tells no lies; history says it was a
gender-neutral food as it pertained to preparing it. Men and women, back to the
kitchen. Everyone else who recently discovered bacon and feel the need to
declare it on a regular basis because you think, incorrectly, that it makes you
look cool or funny, shut up and choke on an over-priced, Venezuelan, low-fat,
cheese Danish.