Friday, April 11, 2014

The Big 4 Of Hipster Music

No one likes hipsters. But for you to pretend that you like their music just because it's becoming popular, well, you can die now. You see, I've had the luxury of pursuing some impressive psychedelic music libraries, not people who just listen to the Doors and Pink Floyd, and any other standard band in the genre, and then clam to be experts. I'm talking about people who break out Matthew Moore Plus Four's Codyne and start talking about how sad it is they never put out a full length before disbanding. Enter hipster music.

"Have you ever heard of The 13th Floor Elevators?"

That's a typical question asked by people who are about to pretend they are hugely immersed in the psychedelic music subculture. They then list The Big 4 of Hipster Music. Here they are and why I don't like them.

1. Tame Impala

They're like making a salad. Basically, their formula consists of "borrowing" elements from every single psych band that has been around in the last 50 years and putting them in a song. Only their new pastiche sucks, so while emulating something greater, they're living up to their moniker by taking every bit of heat and soul out of the original.Tame, indeed. I personally think they should disband, but of all the Australian acts to worship, you morons pick this one. 

2. The Flaming Lips

Continuing the trend of crappy vocalists fronting folk-influenced rock bands, there isn't much difference between them and Tame Impala, aside from more females liking this band. They do borrow some cool space effects, made uncool by the fact they're borrowed and nothing original that hasn't been done ten times better since the 70's. Rest assure, those lips are made for sucking. 

3. The Black Angels

I really hate that they're on this list. Why? Because they're really talented and really have their ear to the music. Unfortunately, they're more or less a rip off of the Doors. Minus Jim Morrison. And Ray Manzarek. And John Densmore. And Robby Krieger. If they were a Doors tribute band, I'd maybe listen; they're not.   

4. The Brian Jonestown Massacre

With a name that suggests metal, and album covers and names that scream Dead Kennedy's, it's a huge shock that this one is a flower happy psych band. This band commits ALL of the transgressions of the bands listed above, and if they were more popular, I'd have listen them first, but fortunately they sound like 8 people ripping off 8 different classic rock icons. Have you added Mick Jagger to your lineup yet?



I was going to reserve this spot for a fifth band, but instead I have decided to do what the others do. I'm auditioning members for my band, The Flaming Black Impala Massacre. Every band is influenced by every sound they hear and there's nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong with trying to sound like another band and passing it off on your own. Now had all of these bands been around in the 60's and the artists they rip off been around today, their names would be on this list, but that's not the case, because those bands were original and trying something new. Now that I've written about it, you can rip me off by stealing my suggestions.