Fruit of the Loom

I used to wear Fruit of the Loom underwear, starting when I was a kid and everybody wore tighty-whiteys. I remember the doofuses that had to parade around in the commercials dressed like fruit. I even had the Underoos and have boycotted K-Mart ever since because they sold out of Incredible Hulk and never restocked, forcing me to wear ET. In my less particular adult life, I carried on with my preferred brand, until now. 

I don't know much about sewing, aside from it's probably someone in a third world country feeding two sides of cloth into a machine. How hard is that? Every shirt I have is coming apart in the armpit. That sucks, but isn't too bad when you're wearing it as an undershirt. The boxer-briefs I wear, all four pairs by said company, are all coming apart at the seem in the crotch. Now I could make jokes that there isn't enough room in there, and it's ironically happening on the low-hanger testicle side as it is, but underwear have one mission. That mission is to protect my vitals and with a gaping hole right next to them we can officially declare this mission aborted! Hanes, don't fail me now.

Warren Buffet wears Hanes.