Being as it’s Thanksgiving, you’re probably expecting me to
be thankful for it, but I’m not. Instead, I’m thankful for Tomahawks. Nothing
is more American, pre-Columbus and post, than the tomahawk. The Indians knew
that the best tools were multipurpose ones, so that’s how they came into use. Tomahawks
had many purposes including hunting, gathering, climbing, treaties, ceremonies,
killing and scalping white men. The tomahawk was so bad ass that the Europeans
had to adopt it and learn how to use it in order to successfully defeat the
natives in the war of dependence (so named because they were dependent on Thanksgiving
dinner from their new red brothers). Speaking of Thanksgiving dinner, do you
know what the most popular red wine is in America? You stole our land. Lulz (Tsalagi
blood, bitches, so back up.) I am thankful for tomahawks because of their cultural
significance, their bad assery, and the fact that I personally own one and they
are still being used today. Now if I can be serious for a minute, it would be
awesome if all Americans (and Canadians, Mexicans, and everyone from Central
and South America) could come together and recognize that all of you have had more than a little Native DNA slipped
into your ancestry. Owned.
The Swiss stole this idea. Notice it’s red.