Daily Quote 10/31/2012

“If there’s any doubt, there is no doubt.” – Larry Fishburne

Daily Quote 10/20/2012

"Stop quoting me to try and look cool." —Hunter S. Thompson

Have It Your Way

Why the hell do fast food restaurants hand you your drinks without straws? I understand it's hard to have the most common items on your menu ready and I have to pull up like some dipshit that special ordered like health was the key issue when ordering fast food. But when you hand me two drinks with no straws, how the hell am I supposed to drink them? No, I'm not taking the lid off, because it's cheap plastic that will more than likely break when pressed on again. In the rare event you're given your straws with your drinks, they always have additional straws in the bag of food they give you. You can always keep these for the next time they hand you your drinks without straws, but then there is the problem that this event is rare to begin with. Screw you, McDonald's (generic for all fast food).

Stop Making Up Stories On the Internet

...or Stop Sharing Made Up Stories On the Internet. 

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he wasn't Kevin Spacey." —Keyser Söze

A little story:

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed a group of homophobic, Jewish, Republicans from Texas physically assaulting a gay, atheist, Democrat (with tattoos and piercings as well as a 3.9 GPA in economics.) I just simply couldn't stand by like the rest of humanity and watch this poor man be treated like that, so I decided to make a stand. Together we defeated all of the homophobic, Jewish, Republican, rapist, space invaders, pretending to be from Texas. It turns out that the person they were actually beating on was my long lost sweetheart from high school and we quickly went and got married; she's now expecting and our courageous deeds have saved mankind for another one-thousand years.

The moral of this story is I spin wildly retarded tales on the internet to make me and the morons who think like me feel less guilty for being insignificant in a world where they only support the call for change while behind their IP addresses. And people will share them.

If you have not seen stories as ridiculous as this on the internet, consider yourself lucky (unless you are blind and your seeing eye dog is reading this to you.) Sadly, I am not making this formula up or the fact that people constantly share this crap out of their perceived empathy.

These stories are so obviously bullshit because there is no way you can tell that much information about people by simply looking at them. Have you ever heard a cop call dispatch for an APB looking for a white male in his 40's that plays Magic the Gathering and drinks Corona every Saturday night? No, because this information isn't readily available and it's all information you couldn't possibly guess without having a conversation with someone. I have no clue what religion someone is (and don't care) unless they're repenting the following morning. Believe it or not, you work with people of different religious, political, cultural, social, psychological, astronomical, necronomical beliefs than you and you'll probably never know what theirs are, because they have no reason to tell you (and if you did and yours were different, they would assault you.)

100% Chance of Not Knowing the Definition of Chance

Chance /CHans/
Noun: A possibility of something happening. 

It really pisses me off whenever I check the weather and see that there is a 100% chance of rain. That's the same thing as saying it will rain. These numbers usually show up whenever it is already raining outside. Cloudy means there's a 50% chance. But then there is actually a chance and not a guarantee, which 100% chance implies. Some of you might argue that they are rounding to the nearest ten, but then that is false reporting. If condom makers said condoms were 100% effective, they'd be lying. Instead they say they reduce the chances of pregnancy, STD  and getting off. If I told you there was a 100% chance of rain and you didn't carry an umbrella, it'd be your fault. If I said condoms were 100% effective and you got AIDS after using one, it would be my fault. In conclusion, there is a 100% chance you could get AIDS if it rains. 

The 8th Annual October Horror Movie Challenge

"Thirty one days, thirty one (31) horror movies. 
At least sixteen (16) must be first time views. 
The Challenge starts on October 1, 12:00AM (your time zone) 
The Challenge ends on November 1 6:00AM (your time zone)"

I will now be blogging about the subjectivity of horror.

"The difference between Terror and Horror is the difference between awful apprehension and sickening realization: between the smell of death and stumbling against a corpse." — Devendra Varma

"Terror is usually described as the feeling of dread and anticipation that precedes the horrifying experience. By contrast, horror is the feeling of revulsion that usually occurs after something frightening is seen, heard, or otherwise experienced." — Wikipedia

In short, if you a) think it is horror, and b) are not a moron, it counts. A technical example that was once included and allowed was Full Metal Jacket (1987), because "the experience of war is something I will never forget."

I will be posting a list of my viewings with random thoughts on each. I normally try to watch nothing but new horror films, but I always get so many bad ones I usually switch over to ones I've already seen after suffering through sixteen crappy ones. 

Optional Challenges

For those of you who like to crunch numbers:

Golgo-13 Bonus Challenge 

Shortest Movie: 

Longest Movie: 

Busiest Day: 

Average Length: 

Total Length: 

For those of you who like vampires:

Alchemie's Vampire Challenge

"Watch 17 vampire films during the October Horror Movie Challenge starting October 1st at midnight YOUR time - with at least 8 of them being first time views, and write a review of at least one sentence in poetic form. If more than one person does this, I will pick which one had the best poems. 

You may reply here to either ask vampire or rules questions OR start by logging your nickname space. Save your movie watches though, in case this ends up getting deleted.

You can win your choice of a FREE copy of either: 

Midnight Kiss (1993-DVD) 

OR Blood Ties (1991-VHS) 

OR Perfect Creature (2006-DVR-Region 2)"

For those of you who rule:

The Insanislupus Full Moon Challenge

Normally the rules would change every single year so that a fresh new challenge would await all participants and I see nothing abnormal about this year (aside from the fact it will be cut short by an apocalypse.) 

This year's challenge is "How many werewolf films can you watch the night of October 29th, under the full moon, starting as soon as the moon is visible to the naked eye, and ending when it is not?"

The winner will receive 29 words, no more, no less, about how they rule in their own blog entry. 

Daily Quote 09/28/2012

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" —Abraham Lincoln

Daily Quote 09/26/2012

"I'm fat, but I'm thin inside... there's a thin man inside every fat man." —Santa Claus

Daily Quote 09/24/2012

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul."  — Marylin Monroe

Daily Quote 09/21/2012

"Nothing is certain except death and taxes." —Saint Matthew

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Matthew

Western Sky Loans

If you're clueless, there are plenty of advertisements for Western Sky loans, a Cheyenne River Sioux finance company. The commercials depict a squaw rapidly telling you how to get an affordable, overnight loan of up to $10,000 with an APR as high as 342.86%. I'm not joking. These rates have appalled people to the point of outrage. But let us do some math. The majority of people who live in the United States are descendants of people who took the 3,794,101 square miles of land initially inhabited by the Indians and this particular tribe now inhabits 4,267 square miles of it. So if we take that 4,267 and divide it by 3,794,101, we're left with .1% of the original land they could have inhabited. Now I know that you're thinking this is an unfair calculation, since not all of the Indians were forced to live on this particular amount of land and their original roamings were not all over the entire country. But life's not fair, unlike these loans which no one is forced to take out.

http://www.westernsky.com/

Daily Quote 09/19/2012

"I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member." —Groucho Marx

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groucho_marx

Daily Quote 09/17/2012

"Do not take life too seriously; You will never get out of it alive." —Elbert Hubbard

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elbert_Hubbard

Daily Quote 09/15/2012

"I think, from all I can learn, that heaven has the better climate, but hell has the better company." —Benjamin Wade

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Wade

Daily Quote 09/11/2012

"Build nothing there. It’s been bombed twice. I think that’s enough for one area."  —Therapeutic Musings

http://tonictherapy.blogspot.com/2012/09/patriot-day.html

You’re Working Retail; Get Off Your Pedestal.

Every time I go to a pharmacy and the actual pharmacist isn’t there supervising their technicians, I get nothing but attitude. It’s bad enough when I have to wait five minutes for you to stop surfing the internet before you acknowledge I’m waiting in line at 3 AM, but it’s even worse when I see you roll your eyes when I ask for my prescription. Sorry for making you do the job you went to school and trained for, but looking through a bin for something that has already been filled is less likely to kill you than I am.  

Check My Signature, Please!

Every time I go through a drive through and hand them my debit card, they flip it over to look at the back, which is not signed, and then slide it anyway. You’re supposed to ask me for my ID, especially since it’s not signed, or refuse it outright. How many times has that happened? None. Ever. So much for trying to protect my identity and finances.   

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb or: Dr. Strangelove

Two major events happened this past month. 

One, for the first time ever, I had more Russian readers than from Germany, Canada, The United Kingdom, and the United States, my native country. This either means that people across the Russian Federation enjoy reading my blog, or have fallen for my trick of tagging every post with “how to obtain nukes.” A fellow blogger at Therapeutic Musings suggested that my posts may be more interesting over vodka (and sales are up, so I take full credit.)

Two, and the part that saddens me, is that Internet Explorer beat out Safari, Firefox, and Chrome as the most used internet browser. I use Chrome, which took some time getting used to, but I now loathe anything else. Sure, we’ve got a head start on democracy and you still live under an oppressive regime we could never imagine, but why have a similar web surfing experience? 

It was not long ago that we put our differences aside and one of your cosmonauts assisted our very own Bruce Willis in destroying an impending meteor destined to destroy Earth. I ask all of you for that solidarity again and to try any of the aforementioned browsers. 

Daily Quote 09/02/2012

"If we want to win, we’ve got to kill Japs." —Dr. Seuss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Seuss

Gay Marriage and Abortion

I’m pretty sure if the two most important issues to you in the upcoming election are gay marriage and abortion, you have no clue what an important issue is in our country right now. Do us all a favor and stop listening to what ads are telling you. Obama is NOT going to pass any gay marriage legislation. Romney is NOT fully against abortion. If you had paid attention to what they both actually said on these issues, you might have a different opinion about them. I’ll still be voting for anyone but them.